threadwalker (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
threadwalker) wrote2009-06-23 09:05 am
threadwalker) wrote2009-06-23 09:05 am
Entry tags:
Fitness blah-g
Pre-Race Crunch Time and Mental Landscape
The Ride to Work
After a week of laying around on my butt and sleeping, I hit the road this morning. I made it to work in 3 hours!!! I've shaved 30 minutes off the ride over the last 2 months. Yay! (confetti, horns)
I wasn't too excited to start my ride, but my ipod started playing, "it's a beautiful day" by U2, which made me laugh. It was 0340, dark, and chilly.. but any day you can get on your bike at that time is a beautiful day, yes?
Now that I'm at work, though, if I have to go down one more set of stairs today, I may fall over. My quads are toast. Overall, I'm pretty jazzed even if I'm moving slowly.
Plan: ride tomorrow. fight practice tomorrow night. run Thursday. ride Friday. run Saturday. ride Mt Diablo on Sunday. Woot woot!
Mental Battles
I came back from Near Death Experience totally jazzed and enervated for Death Ride 2009. I was going to ride to work every day until July 11 so I could give those mountain peaks the finger as I was passing over them. RAWR! (and further cheering and arm pumping, etc)
Last week I slept a lot and I didn't work out once. Not once. I wasn't depressed or questioning my motivation or injured; I think I was truly, totally exhausted and my body quit on me. Unfortunately, sometime over the week I lost my "RAWR!"
I had no "RAWR!" in me Saturday when I woke up and instead of leaping out of bed at the crack of dawn to go running, I watched Care Bears with Miss E. And on Sunday I didn't ride the mountain, I slept in. Where was my "RAWR!"? I was worried.
I'm a fan of planning, so I ran yesterday. Since my "RAWR!" was AWOL I figured my chances of getting up at 4 am to run were better than chances of getting up at 3am to bike. I think it was a good plan since it worked.
Today the ol' alarm clock went off at 3am and I immediately started to question my sanity. Why in the world am I getting up at F-ing 3 am to ride to work? It's dark. It's cold. There are wild animals. There are careless drivers. What in the world is my freaking damage?!? WHY am I doing this???
I chased my own thoughts for 10 minutes and then started my ritual: roll out of bed and tip-toe to bathroom, put in contacts, brush teeth, start layering up: first the jersey, then the arm warmers, then the shorts, then the leg warmers, then the socks, then braid hair, then put on skull cap. Tip Toe down stairs. Everything is assembled: load water bottles, put on reflectors, turn on all the blinky lights and put one on each limb, turn on rear blinkies, turn on head beam. Then out the door and into the dark at 3:45 am.
Why am I doing this?
As I locked the front door behind me, the answer came to me. It wasn't "for the glory"; that's what I scream at myself when I'm in pain and climbing a mountain and I don't want to quit. The answer that comes to me when I'm heading out the door before 4am into the dark and alone is, "Because I can."
Because if I were sick or out of shape I couldn't. If I were injured, I couldn't. If I were nursing an ill family member, I couldn't. If my job were different I couldn't. There have been lots of times where I couldn't even if I'd wanted to. In fact, there will be a time in my future where I won't be able to do this even if I want to. Right now I can do it. I can, therefore I must. Fuck cancer. Fuck my cubicle life. Fuck being told I can't. Fuck getting old. Fuck my over scheduled life. I can do this now.
For the first hour I spent a lot of time thinking about that. Then I asked myself why in the world am I questioning myself now? NOW! This would have been a good question before I started on this path. The timing of this plagued me.
Finally, while on Bear Creek, I remembered past races and other personal challenges. I think that as I get closer to a race I start to peel like an onion. My motivation is no longer weight loss, glory, embracing challenge, the novelty, the risk, or anything else. Those are the outer layers, but as I get closer to the race I get closer to meeting myself and I seem to ruthlessly be demanding that I know what makes me tick.
Why do any of it? I can, therefore I must.
I think that has been my secret motto all my life.
The Ride to Work
After a week of laying around on my butt and sleeping, I hit the road this morning. I made it to work in 3 hours!!! I've shaved 30 minutes off the ride over the last 2 months. Yay! (confetti, horns)
I wasn't too excited to start my ride, but my ipod started playing, "it's a beautiful day" by U2, which made me laugh. It was 0340, dark, and chilly.. but any day you can get on your bike at that time is a beautiful day, yes?
Now that I'm at work, though, if I have to go down one more set of stairs today, I may fall over. My quads are toast. Overall, I'm pretty jazzed even if I'm moving slowly.
Plan: ride tomorrow. fight practice tomorrow night. run Thursday. ride Friday. run Saturday. ride Mt Diablo on Sunday. Woot woot!
Mental Battles
I came back from Near Death Experience totally jazzed and enervated for Death Ride 2009. I was going to ride to work every day until July 11 so I could give those mountain peaks the finger as I was passing over them. RAWR! (and further cheering and arm pumping, etc)
Last week I slept a lot and I didn't work out once. Not once. I wasn't depressed or questioning my motivation or injured; I think I was truly, totally exhausted and my body quit on me. Unfortunately, sometime over the week I lost my "RAWR!"
I had no "RAWR!" in me Saturday when I woke up and instead of leaping out of bed at the crack of dawn to go running, I watched Care Bears with Miss E. And on Sunday I didn't ride the mountain, I slept in. Where was my "RAWR!"? I was worried.
I'm a fan of planning, so I ran yesterday. Since my "RAWR!" was AWOL I figured my chances of getting up at 4 am to run were better than chances of getting up at 3am to bike. I think it was a good plan since it worked.
Today the ol' alarm clock went off at 3am and I immediately started to question my sanity. Why in the world am I getting up at F-ing 3 am to ride to work? It's dark. It's cold. There are wild animals. There are careless drivers. What in the world is my freaking damage?!? WHY am I doing this???
I chased my own thoughts for 10 minutes and then started my ritual: roll out of bed and tip-toe to bathroom, put in contacts, brush teeth, start layering up: first the jersey, then the arm warmers, then the shorts, then the leg warmers, then the socks, then braid hair, then put on skull cap. Tip Toe down stairs. Everything is assembled: load water bottles, put on reflectors, turn on all the blinky lights and put one on each limb, turn on rear blinkies, turn on head beam. Then out the door and into the dark at 3:45 am.
Why am I doing this?
As I locked the front door behind me, the answer came to me. It wasn't "for the glory"; that's what I scream at myself when I'm in pain and climbing a mountain and I don't want to quit. The answer that comes to me when I'm heading out the door before 4am into the dark and alone is, "Because I can."
Because if I were sick or out of shape I couldn't. If I were injured, I couldn't. If I were nursing an ill family member, I couldn't. If my job were different I couldn't. There have been lots of times where I couldn't even if I'd wanted to. In fact, there will be a time in my future where I won't be able to do this even if I want to. Right now I can do it. I can, therefore I must. Fuck cancer. Fuck my cubicle life. Fuck being told I can't. Fuck getting old. Fuck my over scheduled life. I can do this now.
For the first hour I spent a lot of time thinking about that. Then I asked myself why in the world am I questioning myself now? NOW! This would have been a good question before I started on this path. The timing of this plagued me.
Finally, while on Bear Creek, I remembered past races and other personal challenges. I think that as I get closer to a race I start to peel like an onion. My motivation is no longer weight loss, glory, embracing challenge, the novelty, the risk, or anything else. Those are the outer layers, but as I get closer to the race I get closer to meeting myself and I seem to ruthlessly be demanding that I know what makes me tick.
Why do any of it? I can, therefore I must.
I think that has been my secret motto all my life.