How thin is too thin?

[threadwalker]

when you spread yourself thin across multiple commitments, how do you decide you've spread yourself too thin?

Is it a physical failure?
Mental paralysis?
Sudden unexpected shopping trips?
The insane desire to take on more, proving that you weren't overcommitted before but you might be nudging close to it now?
Friends warning you that you are frazzled or perhaps insane?
Or do you even notice before you collapse in a confused haze of exhaustion?

And what do you do to recover?
Do you cut out activities?
Freak and do a 180, becoming ultra-uncommitted?
Do you continue to try to keep all the balls in the air until you go to system failure?

Just curious.

Comments

[carbonphoenix.livejournal.com]

I saw "Screw you guys, I'm goin home"

Like cartman.

If you are asking, you are probably overcommitted right now.

[kahnegabs.livejournal.com]

Quickly and quietly back out of the one thing that is taking the most out of you or has the least value to you emotionally. Then you might be able to do the rest without collapsing and dropping it all at once.

[dame-cordelia.livejournal.com]

If you can get your head around it, try to prioritize your tasks.

[shutt3rg33k.livejournal.com]

I took a look at how often I was double booking myself. then I paid attention to which group/activity I ended up honoring my commitment to, how that made me feel (happy, resentful, guilty, etc.) and whether or not I was where I wanted to be. I ended up taking a step back.

[hrj.livejournal.com]

I know it's happened when I get a feeling of "schedule claustrophobia". If I find myself scrambling to get one commitment done before the next has to be started. What do I do? Well, first I tend to drop the things that don't involve commitments to other people (e.g., housecleaning, writing projects, etc. etc.). Then I grit my teeth and try to hold out until I've completed all existing commitments while valiantly trying to avoid taking on any more.

Yeah. Right. You know how well that one's worked out.

For me, over-commitment tends to come in waves. When it's been long enough that the claustrophobia has worn off, I start succumbing again to "that sounds like it'd be fun".

[helblonde.livejournal.com]

I know I'm spread too thin when I have no down time. If all of my time is focused on the next task and the next task and the task after that, to the exclusion of being able to get my own things done (like cleaning house, or doing laundry), or getting to do things I want to do (painting or sewing), then I am way over committed.

To get out of it, I start saying "No" to things, even fun things, just so that my calendar doesn't fill me with dread. Then I do something artistic for myself.

[d-mon-chick.livejournal.com]

Prioritize, prioritize, prioritize. Then start taking the low priority stuff off your plate. And, make sure you keep some fun stuff on the list (this is my problem currently).

[hunrvogt.livejournal.com]

I know I'm too thin when I get an inner edginess. This is usually followed by realizing I am dropping responsibilities in my private life/marriage and the H. is picking up the slack for me.

At that point I try to find the deadline/light at the end of the tunnel. I priortize the things that can't be put off, Communicate to my husband what is going on and hang on by my fingernails until I can return to an even keel.

I've never gotten overwhelmed by an infinite commitment. So far it's always had a finite deadline.

I also have a wonderful husband and marriage. We understand that while we are each other's lifetime commitment sometimes other things take short term priority.

[answers-within.livejournal.com]

My best warning signal is that I lose my sense of humor. I never realized how much of a key indicator that was for me until recent years, but now it's the best barometer of my happiness I have. When I start getting tense and "tight" about everything, and realize people are stepping warily around me, it's time to call a giant halt and figure things out.

In the past I have been much more scattered and stressed, overcommitting myself and then developing fierce ego attachment to getting it all done. All I did was make myself suffer, do each thing poorly if I even got to all of them, let people down, and mostly make C and J miserable. :-/

Eventually I realized that I needed a serious re-evaluation of 1) my understanding of myself, 2) why and how I made commitments and carried (or failed to carry) them out, and 3) my overall priorities in life.

I don't have the reference to hand, but I remember reading a story about Bruce Lee one time, and his understanding of the importance of time. It was basically to the effect that time is the ONLY thing we have, and largely we have complete control over how we spend it. Most of us think we have less control than we have, and he dismissed that - people make their own fences and chains, essentially. He was very, very strict about *who* he devoted time to, and *how much* he gave to anyone or anything, because he knew that the moments that pass are gone. Being who he was, of course everyone in the world wanted a piece of him, and he knew if he got lost in a web of "obligation" and worry about others' feelings or what might happen if they didn't like his response, he was *dead*. He'd be living his life 100% on others' terms and still wouldn't satisfy all of them, much less himself!

This is something I've come to understand on a very, very deep level so that the way I apportion my time has become instinctive. I stay much more tuned in to myself, to those warning signs like my humor, and I no longer feel *any* obligation to people - I either choose to give some of my time to them, because it's good for me to do so on whatever level, or I don't. I no longer commit to things because I think I have to, or because of what someone else thinks or feels or wants. Strangely - or perhaps not - I'm much more reliable now, and the quality of my commitments is much higher. I am more able to give to the people who really enrich my life, and refuse to allow any opening to those who only take from or drain me.

I also let go of the ego attachment to "achievement" - getting X amount of stuff done does not make me a better or happier person. Usually it makes me a much more unhappy and frazzled person, which rebounds with interest onto those dear to me. Pacing myself from a realistic place - not slacking and allowing myself to stagnate, but not taking on too much just to prove I can do it all, has led to a much greater level of peace and satisfaction in the whole family.

So I guess I would say that my goal in the last few years of my life has been to find a place of balance, and clearly identify the things that pull me off that balance and eliminate them. My firm intention is to re-center as soon as I am a few degrees off, rather than when I am spinning and screaming at the center of a hurricane of my own making!