threadwalker | Post 12th Night Post

Entry tags:

Post 12th Night Post

The event was fun. I got to see a lot of fabulous friends, long-absent friends, and made some brand new ones.

The "bird cage hat" was very eye catching.
F kept asking me, 'Are you sure you're going to wear it?' Friday night, so I was ready for the cries of horror, "e-gads, run! it's a crime against all that is beautiful and sane in the costuming world". Surprisingly, I got a lot of nice feedback. I suspect most of that comes from people being impressed that I'd actually have the guts to make it and then wear it in public. There is a certain amount of, "Wow! you are so gutsy for making a shameless fool of yourself for our benefit."

Anyway, I kept forgetting how big it was because unlike everyone else, I couldn't see it - I was inflicting it on everyone without having to actually look at it. hahahahaha! When I got a glimpse of myself in a mirror I would have a mini-heart attack at how big it was because it did NOT look that big while it was in my workshop for the last several months. But there it was, big as life and on my head with all its feathery glory.

When asked what I had inside it, various responses provided on my behalf (by loved ones) included:
-brains
-alien seed pods
-the ashes of my enemies
-hot air
-recording devices, (so be NICE!)
-rainbows (lol... actually NO ONE suggested that, but did you choke when you read that?)

I came up with, "Evil Schemes". heh.

I noticed that when I moved my head, people were distracted by the feathers and couldn't keep their eyes off it. Stacey said, while gazing at it (in awe? fear? disbelief?) that it's so distracting she kept forgetting that I was the person wearing it. Under the hat I became invisible! It came to me that I could be commiting the crime of the century in that hat and no one would remember it was me as long as I ditched the hat afterwards. That evening the hat got us a fast dinner table, prompt dinner service and free drinks in the hotel restaurant courtesy of one Hilton Gold Card Member who was overwhelmed and impressed and wanted to do something nice for the hat. I made F say nice things about the hat at that point.

During the after party I fell in with a band of rogue seamstresses and historical research fans who wanted to see inside the hat, so it became a show and tell item as several people tried it on and peered inside.

Many have asked about the inspiration of the hat. I have many of my books flagged and I plan on pulling together my notes and presenting something later on. I'll give a heads up when I do that.

Real world vs Snow Globe World
I found myself reflecting on the melodrama of the SCA this morning.
After a big event like 12th Night there's always some chatter about which friendships are now null, which ones have been created, who's mooching the beer, who hooked up, who's got angst, etc. That kind of information is useful so that I don't accidentally create a social situation where I invite 2 arch enemies to a party and seat them together or let the beer-mooch get away without bringing libation donation (hee hee hee). But other than that, I'm not really the go-to gal for that stuff and I'm a bad source if someone wants to know what's going on because it has a short shelf life in my brain. It's just not important enough to dedicate permanent brain-space to.

I hear the gossip and I wonder if the people who are all whipped up actually have day-jobs because, frankly, I can't muster the energy to care. I guess my list of priorities does not start with, "take over the SCA" or "convince everyone in the SCA that my dream is THEIR dream" or "collect posse of ass kissers". LOL.

I have a job, a house, a spouse, kids, a family (which includes my beloved Villa Luna family), and friends. My muse and I are rocking out in my workshop. I'm running and taking care of myself. I'm going to put together some costume-textile classes which I will offer up to the SCA. I'm planning some hands-on classes at my house this year. And somewhere *much* further down that list, below my recycling goals and efforts to be more "green", is "Give a fuck about (insert: high school shenanigan) in the SCA". It hit me this weekend that there are a bunch of people whose SCA goals are clearly at the top of their list and I was shocked at the amount of energy they put into gaining good opinions, schmoozing the right people, and trying to find out what others think about them. Really? Really! Wow! That's what you spend your time worrying about? And here I was thinking "get out of debt so that I don't end up on the street if I lose my job" was a worthy item to keep me awake at night.

And this got me to thinking about an encounter I had early Sunday morning. The King of Atenvelt, the lean blond guy married to Ossa, barges into my friends' hotel room demanding a party and drinks after 3 am with others in tow, including the Queen of the West. We were sitting in pairs having small, quiet conversations. I pipe up with, "This is a private gathering, not a party." He stomps over to me and, with Mr Serious Face on, leans into me and with a super stern voice says, "Are you saying we have to leave?"

If you've read any of my work posts, you know that I am an old hand at recognizing and dealing with men who use intimidation tactics, which is what I was being dished.

Why is that acceptable behaviour? Am I supposed to be cowed? Do others get up and kiss his drunken ass and serve him a drink? I live in the real world and rudeness is not rewarded in my world. In fact, it shouldn't be acceptable in the SCA, where we are supposed to be encouraging courtesy and where, frankly, I expect the Royals to lead by example, not to lead in with expectations of entitlement. It is not my job to drop what I am doing to entertain people, especially people who have fewer manners than a first grader. If my kids had barged in and interupted the important private conversation I was having with one of my best friends like this guy did, I'd have smacked their bottoms and sent them to their room for collosal failure.

My response to this guy was an unblinking, unflinching, "Yes," delivered like I do at work in similar situations. He turned on his heal and marched out and his entourage followed. To quote my senior apprentice, "Ver!"

What kind of fantasy world do you live in where you can stomp around the place like that and be a bully? Being a peer, a royal, or an officer in the SCA should not be justification for being a bully. In fact, there's a rumor that being a Royal in the SCA doesn't legally mean anything in the big people world where taxes are paid and gasoline is taxed. Do they know that? Maybe someone needs to tell them that the SCA is a hobby and letting an SCA accolade go to your head or using it to justify entitlement is just plain crazy. Or maybe it's just that they live in their own little snow globe, set apart from the rest of the world where they have achieved their posse of ass-kissers, taken over the SCA, and convinced everyone that their dream is the only dream.

It's fascinating like a train wreck is mesmerizing and although snow globe world doesn't impress me, the behaviour and lack of connection to reality I see in the snow globites fuels my motivation to keep trying to raise my kids to be better than that. I don't want them to join some social club like the SCA, an RPG, on-line game group, etc, and submerge the real needs of paying bills and surviving in the tax-paying world in favor of some fantasy world that only exists in the snow globe of their social group. I also fear any kind of cult-like domination where their self-esteem becomes beholden to someone else and they could be convinced that their value is based purely on their ability to get a +4 battle axe to the Guild Raid Leader fast enough or provide enough painted figs to the Game Master or fetch a beer for the King. I'm not reliving high school for the rest of my life and I don't want my kids to either when they grow up.

Although everyone else is welcome to their own custom snow globes, I won't be climbing in with you and redefining myself based on spurious feedback from egos inflated by a micro-culture that is disconnected from the bottom tiers of Maslows Hierarchy of Needs.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I despise a sense of entitlement in the real world and I certainly don't want to see it being displayed in my fantasy world. Good on you for not tolerating such unseemly behavior, no matter how shiny the hat. Thank you!

1) Damn! How'd I miss that outfit?

2) Good for you for not letting that SOB get away with his crappy behavior.

Again - you are my Hero!

I thought the had wasn't all that big...but perhaps I have big hat dreams.

Well done you telling an obvious idiot to bugger the hell off! Crap behaviour like that does not encourge me to come to events.

oh no! I don't want to discourage you to come to events. Not everyone is like that. I had a wonderful time meeting new people at 12th Night and it felt like everywhere I turned there was a smiling face. I believe the entitlement people are the exception, not the rule. Afterall, there aren't that many people who have any justification to behave like that even in the fantasy snow globe.

Don't worry, you are not discouraging. I go to what, one event a year now. Maybe. There is just not alot of magic there for me anymore.

ah bummer.

I make my own magic, though. I met the most wonderful gals in court. ONe was sitting there doing counted cross stitch, so I introduced myself and asked questions. They had no idea who I was and I'm pretty sure they were too new to recognize the laurel medallion. They were a total pleasure to chat with, totally excited to be there, and completely excited to be talking to someone who was interested in what they were doing. I think other than the moments I spent snuggling with my hubby, that one will stay with me as a highlight.

I hear that.

Most of the Royalty I've met in the four years I've been playing don't act like that. I never would have lasted this long if they did. His reign will be over soon enough. Hopefully, changes will happen for the better and it will once again be a game we can support and enjoy on all fronts.

In general, I've only been treated that way as a "tongue-in-cheek" joke. I've never really received that treatment before in our Kingdom.

it was a pleasure chatting with you off and on throughout the event. i was told that your sleeves were actually far more marvelous than your hat... but that hat was hogging all the glory! ha!

i fell asleep early, but was actually sharing a room with a coterie of rambunctious young men... so got interrupted throughout the night. good for you for yelling at them... it's what i like to do ;)

The beautiful sleeves were truly marvelous!

It was fun! Yes, the hat that ate my head. lol.

My eyes got heavy around 1am, but then I found my family and got my second wind. Hope to see you again soon!

Greetings,

I was asked by a few individuals what happened in regards to your post, so I thought I would I would simply post my response here.

First, I would like to say that I completely agree with you regarding your below quoted sentiment:

“…there are a bunch of people whose SCA goals are clearly at the top of their list and I was shocked at the amount of energy they put into gaining good opinions, schmoozing the right people, and trying to find out what others think about them. Really? Really! Wow! That's what you spend your time worrying about? And here I was thinking "get out of debt so that I don't end up on the street if I lose my job" was a worthy item to keep me awake at night.”

I too often wonder if people seemingly so interested in what I would call “stirring the pot” have nothing better to do with their day! There are SO many better ways one could be channeling their energy in the mundane world to make a positive difference!) You and I seem to see eye to eye here!

I also want to say how sorry I am that you seem to have had such a negative experience with my soon to be brother-in-law! In an effort to resolve certain hard feelings, I would offer you a bit of context to our visit to your friend’s room.

While we were down in the lounge, Uther and Ed were given a room number of an “awesome party!” by a few individuals that they were advised to check out. These individuals did not mention who the room belonged too. So straightaway, Uther and Ed grabbed myself and a few others, as they thought that they had gotten a sound invite to a good party!

Upon getting to the room, we noticed that the door was propped open by the lock. We peeked in and saw people gathered, so given the previous invite, we thought it was ok to enter. I was happy to see Aminah and immediately went over to chat with her (she did such a fabulous job autocratting!)

I notice that the party is rather sedate so I was in the process of “checking in” with Aminah to see if it was winding down (she said it was quiet but that we were welcome to take a seat and hang out/chat with them).

The next thing I know, Edward is leaving, saying that we’d been “kicked out.” At that point, not knowing the circumstances, we all immediately followed after him and left. We did not want to be involved in/create any drama or conflict. Again, I do apologize that you felt we intruded on your private get-together, but please know that there was no malice intended. We had thought we’d had a legitimate invitation.

I also want to commend your husband, as he did an incredibly sweet thing this morning when he came up to me to apologize (although there was truly no need) and explain that being “kicked out” of the room truly had nothing to do with myself or with Uther. Your husband is a gem!

Warmest Regards,
~Kara

Hi - I need to respond to the last comment first - that wasn't my husband, lol! That was one of my best friends and he and I were deeply involved in a private conversation when Edward came up. I think of him as a brother and he knows me very very well.

I'm glad there was no ill intent. My interactions with you and Uther have never been anything other than polite so based on that I had already assumed there were no intentions other than to find a good time.

I don't really have bandwidth for the high-school shenanigans in the SCA. I have a job that is directly involved in saving lives and improving the quality of life for children, so when I attend an event what I'm looking for is a relaxing time with friends in pursuit of exploring new ways of experiencing the best parts of the Middle Ages and Renaissance. I'm not inclined to spend a lot of time carrying social drama around in my head and letting it live there rent-free. So for me it's done and over. If I see him again I don't expect my interations with him to be colored by this and he doesn't strike me as the kind of person (based on his speeches in court) to be angsty. If there needs to be more communication for his sake I'll rely on you to specifically let me know.

Something you may want to consider sharing with him is that what I and others experienced was entirely based on what happened in the room and we are not privy to what happens 9 floor away. I had not been drinking at all that evening, so my perceptions are not fogged by alcohol or revelery. I had an unobstructed view of the door and it was either shoved or kicked in - which given that the doors are heavy, is what you'd have to do to make a dramatic entrance. Ed appears to be a dramatic guy and if there had been a party going on in full swing, it would have been a grand entrance. That's not really here nor there, but it's what happened.

Also, I work in a job that requires me to be keenly sensitive to body language, tone, and other non-verbal cues which are 93% of communication. His non-verbal signals were aggressive and dominating. His words were curt and he used his height (since I was sitting) to lean in and create tension. He choose to communicate in a way that was not based on mutual respect or based on a gentle approach. Whether it was conscious or not is irrelevant because non-verbal communication signals are a reflection of true intent. His language was entirely confrontational and, to be honest, any inclination I might have had to invite him to stay longer disappeared in the face of his aggression. Your company (and Uthers) would have been welcome to me, but not Ed who was using aggressive, domineering body language. It was entirely intimidating and I would not have felt at ease with someone who approaches a total stranger in that fashion. If he is surprised at the curt response he got, then a little time spent on his own part doing self-analysis of his communication style might be very revealing for him.

I consider the incident water under the bridge and I'm not letting it take up rent-free space in my head.

All that aside, thank you for taking the time to find my journal and for posting here. I appreciate that you had to set aside your Sunday afternoon/evening after a long and exhausting weekend where you were on-stage and under scrutiny the entire time. I'm sure the last thing you wanted to do was answer random phone calls and then log onto your computer to follow up on something like this. Even if you are an old-hand at this sort of thing by now, I have no doubt there's other ways you'd rather be spending your Sunday. So again, thank you for taking your personal time to follow up.

I hope your reign is as drama-free as possible. I look forward to seeing you at the next event we attend.

Ascelin

Lol! That wasn’t your husband? I’m so sorry for my mistake! I was told by at least two people that it was! How funny. Well, let me amend my statement then, to say that your friend is a very nice guy!

As for Ed, I really cannot comment on your direct experience with him, as I did not see the exchange (I was talking with Aminah at the time). What I can say though, is that my experiences with Ed have always been very positive, and I believe him to be a nice guy. In my opinion, like Uther, Ed can be very loud and flamboyant. But also like Uther, I truly believe that his heart is in the right place. Ed is also a big guy, and something I’ve found while dating Uther, is that big guys can often be very “unaware” of their own space and presence. I’m positive that the last thing Ed meant to do was offend you (and be very sad and horrified to know he had). I’m sure he would appreciate talking with you about this directly, should you wish to resolve it with him. I’d be happy to send you his contact information. Or as you said, it can be left as “water under the bridge” as well. :-)

As an aside, it sounds like we may have very similar career paths. May I ask what you do? I’d love to sit down with you over coffee sometime and share a professional discussion of our similar experiences, if you were interested.

Cheers,
Kara

Sure, I'd love to chat.

And I LOVE the icon!

AMoR

Excellent! I work in Oakland (not sure where you're at) and schedule my own patients, so I have a flexible schedule. Would love to meet with you some time :-) Feel free to email me at DrSatre(at)gmail(dot)com if it would be convenient!

Lol! Thanks! I love comic books and Kara is Supergirls name - Lol! I guess it also reflects my superhero complex - feeling the need to save the world, one child at at time ;-p

There is a certain amount of, "Wow! you are so gutsy for making a shameless fool of yourself for our benefit."

So, so true. I've seen the pics now. It's marvelous!

Good for you for taking the wind out his sails. I think it's valuable for folks who have gotten used to the ass-kissery to be reminded that they still have to be nice, too.

pictures? where? I don't have any here....?

Trystan/Lady Violet (trystbat on lj) posted a couple of pics on her flickr account.

Your hat is truly what I call an "eyes down here" hat!

(deleted comment)

bwah-ha-ha-ha.... fell out of my seat when I read this. glad I wasn't drinking!

Once again, you are my hero.

I behave the same way I did in high school. I don't curry favor or try to hang out with the cool kids. I hang out with my friends. Oddly enough, I wasn't popular in high school, but I did have friends. I'm having dinner with three of them on Tuesday.

At work last week, one of the engineers challenged me with "Do really intend us to [do something proprietary]?" and I said "Yes". And he said, without any challenge to his voice, "Oh, OK." That's why I like my new company. People will express their opinions, but listen when a decision is made. (And I had backed it up with reasons and facts).

I love you, and I LOVED your hat. :-)

I've seen photos of the hat. It's definitely an "ashes of my enemies" hat.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Post 12th Night Post

Huzzah!

no subject

no subject

Popcorn!

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no hard feelings

Re: no hard feelings

Re: no hard feelings

Re: no hard feelings

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject