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My cup is half full. I spun this to the husband as a good a reason to buy a small area carpet for right in front of the sink in the kitchen. We used to have one in that spot until I burned it with the hot rack from the oven.

I was cooking last night. I feel like I should get a snip of theme music and wear a Super Hero cape when I do this because it's such a "new" thing for me and it's such a masterful juggle of time and resources to really do it. I made roasted pork loin stuffed with apples and wine-soaked currants. The pork came out great. Then I reduced a wine-vinegar mix. The first reduction came out really really thick and syruppy, just like the recipe said. The second one went bad. It went VERY BAD.

My first clue was when my eyes started to tear and my nose stung from vinegar fumes. The house started to fill with smoke as I whipped the pot off the stove, swung around to the sink, mentally flashed to my recent egg-burning adventure (yes, there have been more egg burnings) and then changed course from flinging it into the sink to looking for a clear spot on the tile counter. There was none; cooking detritus and food stuff spread about. The pot started to burn my hands through one of the NEW oven mits I was wearing and Lizard Brain made me let go of pot.

I have a perfect circular burned area that is pretty close to perfectly centered on the checky pattern of the linoleum right near the sink. It looks like a black ink splotch with a box around it and a cross quartering it. How freaking anal is that?

However, vinegar-wine pot was still merrily sending out smoke and fumes, so I had to grab it again, race through house, get the sliding glass door and screen open, and fling it onto the deck. Then I ran around opening windows and turning on fans, desperately hoping the smoke alarm would NOT go off. Not because this would be the first time the neighbors have seen my house spew fumes from kitchen sacrafices with the background accompaniment of the smoke alarm to draw their attention just in case they were missing the show, but because they've never heard it after midnight before and that's absurdly rude. I also wasn't prepared to deal with waking up the whole family and "esplainin'" to my hubby what happened. I still hadn't absorbed what I'd done to the floor, so I wasn't ready to talk about how I've newly damaged something in the house. (I seem to be disaster prone.) And, yes, after the smoke cleared, I accepted what I'd done and the floor is definitely screwed up.

In the short term, I got lucky. I mean I got TOTALLY lucky. The smoke was so thick in the kitchen, it looked... smokey. I am very surprised the smoke alarm did not go off because last time I did smoke on that degree it went off. (Maybe we need to check the batteries!)

Maybe my cooking theme-music should be somewhat sinister, like when the bad guy enters. Or (sigh) kind of slap-stick. Dang it! I have to be like the 3 Stooges or Animaniacs in the kitchen. Phooey! I want to be the adept hero with beautiful flowing cape, not The Tick or Curly.

On the plus side: I didn't get hurt. I didn't wake up anyone and no one called 911 on our behalf, so the neighborhood was left in peace. The smell of the smoke did not linger through to this morning. The pile of fabric I'm folding in the family room (the kitchen opens into the family room) did not smell stinky this morning. The family was not disturbed. There is a burn in the floor, but there are a few pluses to that. When the floor gets wet, it's really really slippery, but that spot is now skid-proof. And this is motivation to visit "Bed, Bath and Beyond" with the discount coupons they keep mailing us and find a skid-proof area rug for that spot.

Date: 2007-10-04 05:36 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
*snort* Your indian name could be "Cooks With Danger!"

eek! No more nicknames!

Date: 2007-10-04 06:15 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
The husband already has a few names for me. He used to get pissed off when I damaged stuff, but now I think he's somewhat resigned. Anyway, since I rarely destroy the same thing 2x, he's a bit perplexed at how I keep finding new stuff to bust. And everytime this happens, I'm sure he's less than thrilled to put it on the "honey-do" list and assign a price to repair it.

Which is why when it comes to household feasts, I'm not on Rowan's A-Team for the kitchen. I tend to help w/ the "hall" or do dishes, which I can do w/o burning down a pavilion. (which reminds me of the first time I light a coleman stove...)

We've all done it...

Date: 2007-10-04 05:45 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Don't feel bad! I burned toast at my Parents house once. By the time we realized what was happening, three fire department trucks were in the driveway. All summoned by the house alarm, no human... *sigh*

Date: 2007-10-04 05:53 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Recently I was making oven-roasted tomato sauce. I carefully turned off the oven before I went to bed, but for some reason I kept smelling tomatoes all night. I couldn't figure it out, because I'm somewhat OCD about making sure the stove is off. Finally at 5:30, I stamped down the stairs, and sure enough the oven was still on. I turned it off again, and then realized that I'd been turning off the top oven. The bottom oven was still on. Luckily, it was set low enough that while my tomatoes were a very dark brown, they weren't charred lumps of burntness. They were too burnt to be tomato sauce, but at least the house didn't burn down.
And when's your birthday, because I know just what I'm getting you!

Date: 2007-10-04 06:17 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I'm a March Aries... LJ will give you a B-day reminder... (cringing in embarrassment)...

Date: 2007-10-04 06:21 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
no need. I remember now - it's the same day as my sister.

Date: 2007-10-04 06:19 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Yikes! Okay, so not a lab accident. BTW, I did the same thing with a grease fire on the stove once. Couldn't find a place on the counter or in the sink, so on the linoleum wnet the flaming pan, so i could a) let go of the hot thing and b) put a plate over it to smother the flames. I was not so lucky with the smoke alarm, which was on the ceiling of an open plan two floor condo, in the hallway area. Just badness.

Glad you're okay.

Date: 2007-10-04 06:52 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Glad you weren't hurt! I'm rather accident prone in the kitchen as well, only I'm usually hurting myself along with charring a pan or counter top! Make sure to have a pot cover on hand, helps to stop flames, fumes on the other hand, another story.

Speaking of stories, Scott had a small mishap while making tea after dinner last night. he turned the wrong burner on and wound up singing my good cookie sheet instead of boiling the water for his tea!! I smelled something burning so left the Battle for Middle Earth (the extended version, I've been on a legolas kick lately) to find out why he was burning down the house! He wasn't hurt so all was well.

Date: 2007-10-04 08:58 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
My last year in college, my housemate had a boyfriend with many fewer redeeming qualities than you have. :) He tried to make popcorn in MY saucepan, burned it, then took it into the livingroom (2 rooms away!) where he set it down in the middle of the floor. It made a round, black, thoroughly melted spot in the middle of the carpet, which fused onto my pan. The landlord loved that. At least the boyfriend bought me a new pan, which I still use.

Glad you're having fun cooking, along with the adventures!

Date: 2007-10-04 09:05 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
wow! Glad you got a new pan at least!

This reminds me of when I was in college my senior year. I lived in the dorms and was living in the newly built dorm. I made myself some toast (the toaster was contra ban!) and I like my toast a bit on the dark side, well it started to burn and set off the heat detector in my room. boy was I panicked! I unplugged it and then raced over to fan the detector so it would shut off. I was terrified that the fire dept. would end up there and I'd get in trouble b/c I had been making toast with an illegal toaster! lol I guess I got the detector to shut off in time! Boy I was worried though!

Date: 2007-10-05 04:53 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I'm really glad you weren't hurt!

I've been pretty lucky...I've only ruined one pot by boiling the water completely out of it and melting the bottom. Sigh. I liked that pot too! I put a timer on when I'm boiling water now so I don't forget!


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