This Boot Camp Mom from Hell
Jan. 25th, 2008 11:10 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
threadwalkerHaving read all the responses in my previous post, I'm thinking I'm not really "Boot Camp Mom from Hell" OR I've surrounded myself with a lot of people who believe in accountablity and responsibility. Or both. I'm voting "both.
I don't want my kids to be directionless when they grow up. Neither my sister nor I were. We are both hard workers, both graduated from college, and both driven to make sure we never had to live on the street or move back home.
Why? because living with mom sucked. We lived very frugally and had no rights. And there was other stuff, but that would fill a novel.
My mom was always talking about us going to college; it was never a question of "if", only "where". We had jobs at Burger King and saw that escape did not lie in the food industry. College was the key to escape and getting a degree that could lead to a career was the surest way to be self sufficient. Voila. I've got a degree in Chemical Engineering and sis has one in Nursing (she actually has her masters at this point and is a Nurse Practitioner! woot!)
I feel that right now a lot of kids are given too much without understanding cost or effort or personal responsibility. They also get instant gratification and they never have to deal with boredom because there are sooo many different ways we entertain ourselves. My coworker tells me of a nephew who got a full scholarship to a 4yr college and blew it via addiction to computer games. There's someone who doesn't have the tools to deal with OCD or doesn't have the tools to set his own boundaries.
My approach to instant gratification and media with my kids: Boundaries. Earning the privelidge to watch tv, pick DVDs, play on the computer, etc. They have mild chores; they fold their own laundry and put it away. We do their laundry as a "family" to reinforce the idea that we all pitch in together to help each other out, but they do the bulk of it and they put all of it away. They help clean and they are entirely responsible for picking up their own toys. I frequently say, "Only pick up the toys you want to keep, I can throw the rest away." I journaled about how effective THAT was. heh.
I've started talking to N about college and making choices, how we had to make choices, and that we would help him as much as we could. E listens and they both come up with good questions. One of them commented that they weren't going to grow up and move out. So I did a little happy dance and told them I was really excited that they were going to live in our home, go to work, do all the chores and take care of me and daddy. They were horrified.
We talk about money and how much things cost. I have been kind of blunt lately because they were whining about not getting something and I was down to my last nickle. They don't get an allowance, but I do allocate a certain amount of money for stuff relating to them wrt going out to eat or having fun. I make them make choices and when that money is gone, I tell them, "you picked X, so now we don't have any more money for Y." I feel like I'm being harsh because I'm pretty sure my mom never dumped the realities of budget on us before we were in junior high school. I figured it out on my own before then, but I wonder if I'm discussing budget and choices with them too soon. I'm not going to change that approach, but I wonder. Only time will tell.
So there it is: boundaries. budgets. choices. discussing the future in terms they can understand. To a 7yr old and a 4 yr old.
I don't want my kids to be directionless when they grow up. Neither my sister nor I were. We are both hard workers, both graduated from college, and both driven to make sure we never had to live on the street or move back home.
Why? because living with mom sucked. We lived very frugally and had no rights. And there was other stuff, but that would fill a novel.
My mom was always talking about us going to college; it was never a question of "if", only "where". We had jobs at Burger King and saw that escape did not lie in the food industry. College was the key to escape and getting a degree that could lead to a career was the surest way to be self sufficient. Voila. I've got a degree in Chemical Engineering and sis has one in Nursing (she actually has her masters at this point and is a Nurse Practitioner! woot!)
I feel that right now a lot of kids are given too much without understanding cost or effort or personal responsibility. They also get instant gratification and they never have to deal with boredom because there are sooo many different ways we entertain ourselves. My coworker tells me of a nephew who got a full scholarship to a 4yr college and blew it via addiction to computer games. There's someone who doesn't have the tools to deal with OCD or doesn't have the tools to set his own boundaries.
My approach to instant gratification and media with my kids: Boundaries. Earning the privelidge to watch tv, pick DVDs, play on the computer, etc. They have mild chores; they fold their own laundry and put it away. We do their laundry as a "family" to reinforce the idea that we all pitch in together to help each other out, but they do the bulk of it and they put all of it away. They help clean and they are entirely responsible for picking up their own toys. I frequently say, "Only pick up the toys you want to keep, I can throw the rest away." I journaled about how effective THAT was. heh.
I've started talking to N about college and making choices, how we had to make choices, and that we would help him as much as we could. E listens and they both come up with good questions. One of them commented that they weren't going to grow up and move out. So I did a little happy dance and told them I was really excited that they were going to live in our home, go to work, do all the chores and take care of me and daddy. They were horrified.
We talk about money and how much things cost. I have been kind of blunt lately because they were whining about not getting something and I was down to my last nickle. They don't get an allowance, but I do allocate a certain amount of money for stuff relating to them wrt going out to eat or having fun. I make them make choices and when that money is gone, I tell them, "you picked X, so now we don't have any more money for Y." I feel like I'm being harsh because I'm pretty sure my mom never dumped the realities of budget on us before we were in junior high school. I figured it out on my own before then, but I wonder if I'm discussing budget and choices with them too soon. I'm not going to change that approach, but I wonder. Only time will tell.
So there it is: boundaries. budgets. choices. discussing the future in terms they can understand. To a 7yr old and a 4 yr old.
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On Budgets
Date: 2008-01-26 08:41 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-29 09:04 pm (UTC)I'm glad I got the clue when I was a kid about "I picked X, so now I don't have any more money for Y." Watching my sister learn that in Highschool and College, was kind of painful.