Health ...
Apr. 7th, 2005 11:04 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
threadwalkerI’m having some symptoms that might be the signs of a health problem and I’ve decided to address it with professional help. I tend to ignore my health and I’m writing this out to drive home the point to myself that I need to call the doctor. Otherwise I’m just as likely to blow it off if I don’t feel sick enough. (I’m sure most of you have experience with that to one degree or another).
Symptoms:
1. Afternoon Fatigue. I have been struggling to stay alert in afternoon meetings. This is bad. On Tuesday I started out very alert, perky and was taking notes at a 3pm meeting. 30 minutes later I was struggling to remain conscious. It had me so freaked out on Tuesday that I talked to Farin about it that night – and I never talk to Farin about MY health issues. (I can explore that internal mental wiring at a later date.) The boss has noticed this on several occasions and brought this up with me yesterday. (Kudos to her for focusing on my health issue and not how this looks bad.) Kira commented when I was visiting her a few months ago when I fell asleep in the middle of a conversation.
2. Weight gain: I gained 20 lbs between Thanksgiving and X-mas and I haven’t been able to lose it. This is despite working out at least 3x a week at what I consider to be a bigger effort than my swimming last year.
3. Not waking up rested: I got 8 hours of sleep Tuesday night and woke up tired at 4am Wednesday morning. So I went back to sleep and got up at 6am, which gave me 10 hours of sleep. My plan was to fight the afternoon drowsiness with extra rest. However, I still felt a sudden drop in my energy level around 3:30 pm.
Today I started a detailed diary. I’m recording my schedule, what I’m eating, when I’m eating, caffeine intake and my energy level as the day progresses. I’ve created a scale of 1 to 5 where 1 = my most ADHA moments and 5 = barely conscious. I’m charting it approximately hourly unless I have a noticeable energy surge or energy drop. I will also be calling my doctor later today to make an appointment to come in.
I’ve also decided to stop my effort to cut caffeine out of my diet. I need to function at work and since my boss took notice of this, it’s critical that I avoid jeopardizing my job.
I dread being told I’m doing too much or need to cut back my activities, commitments or schedule. I work really hard to balance my life. I think very carefully before I commit to something by considering impact to myself and my family before I jump in. The days are long gone where I’d run around and impulsively commit to everything. Since I’m so careful and thoughtful about it, I’ve had to turn down things I’ve really wanted to do. So it would seem criminally unfair to me to be told that despite my self-restraint and moderation, I’ve got to cut back even more. Where would I cut back? What would I lose?
I don’t want to be told that the periodic daylong workshops I’ve been coordinating need to stop. I don’t really expect those to go away because they are so infrequent and they are very relaxing. But it is a commitment on my time and energy, so it needs to be considered.
I don’t want to stop going to BART. I recognize that a weekly commitment is one that presses on my stress-o-meter even if I enjoy it. But I don’t want to give this up and I really need one night a week out of the house.
I fear that I’m going to be told that I can’t go to the gym anymore because my body needs more “down” time. Since F’s in PT three nights a week and supposed to be taking the vanpool (i.e. out of the house by 5:20 am), I have a really rigorous schedule. The only way I can work out is if I get up at 4am and be back home by 5:20 am OR do it after the kids go to bed at 8pm. For me, the evening workout doesn’t really work, but if the doctor said so, I’d switch. And I’d rather switch to nighttime than quit my work out.
I’m worried I’ll be told to step back from Collegium, which I realize is a huge commitment and resides in a part of my brain all the time. Therefore it represents a constant level of stress and energy drain. However, I am really enjoying myself and it’s a very fulfilling activity. I loved helping with Collegium under Keegan and was disappointed to fall out of that loop. Autocratting A&S was such a huge amount of fun (and work) and I learned so much from that event. It’s exciting to apply what I’ve learned about these events to Collegium, which (IMO) is less complicated because it’s not a camping event. Having to give this up without finishing my term properly would cause some severe internal emotional havoc.
I don’t think I’m capable of giving up planning social activities. I’m planning the baby’s baptism. I’m planning an “Alice in Wonderland” tea-party in June for the kids. There is some stress involved because of the logistics and it’s going to be at our house, but it’s also really fun.
I don't know what the doctor will find out. I was borderline diabetic when I was pregnant. I generally have low blood pressure. I don't generally get sick. The boss suggested thyroid or diabetes or some blood-glucose disorder thing. I always thought I'd have to worry about cancer, not some blood thing.
Feh!
That opens an entire can of worm wrt my feelings about myself and my place in the universe. My comfort zone is looking after everyone else, not being looked after. If I go on, I'll reveal my guilt-programmed Irish Catholic roots.
Looks like I need to call the doctor.
Symptoms:
1. Afternoon Fatigue. I have been struggling to stay alert in afternoon meetings. This is bad. On Tuesday I started out very alert, perky and was taking notes at a 3pm meeting. 30 minutes later I was struggling to remain conscious. It had me so freaked out on Tuesday that I talked to Farin about it that night – and I never talk to Farin about MY health issues. (I can explore that internal mental wiring at a later date.) The boss has noticed this on several occasions and brought this up with me yesterday. (Kudos to her for focusing on my health issue and not how this looks bad.) Kira commented when I was visiting her a few months ago when I fell asleep in the middle of a conversation.
2. Weight gain: I gained 20 lbs between Thanksgiving and X-mas and I haven’t been able to lose it. This is despite working out at least 3x a week at what I consider to be a bigger effort than my swimming last year.
3. Not waking up rested: I got 8 hours of sleep Tuesday night and woke up tired at 4am Wednesday morning. So I went back to sleep and got up at 6am, which gave me 10 hours of sleep. My plan was to fight the afternoon drowsiness with extra rest. However, I still felt a sudden drop in my energy level around 3:30 pm.
Today I started a detailed diary. I’m recording my schedule, what I’m eating, when I’m eating, caffeine intake and my energy level as the day progresses. I’ve created a scale of 1 to 5 where 1 = my most ADHA moments and 5 = barely conscious. I’m charting it approximately hourly unless I have a noticeable energy surge or energy drop. I will also be calling my doctor later today to make an appointment to come in.
I’ve also decided to stop my effort to cut caffeine out of my diet. I need to function at work and since my boss took notice of this, it’s critical that I avoid jeopardizing my job.
I dread being told I’m doing too much or need to cut back my activities, commitments or schedule. I work really hard to balance my life. I think very carefully before I commit to something by considering impact to myself and my family before I jump in. The days are long gone where I’d run around and impulsively commit to everything. Since I’m so careful and thoughtful about it, I’ve had to turn down things I’ve really wanted to do. So it would seem criminally unfair to me to be told that despite my self-restraint and moderation, I’ve got to cut back even more. Where would I cut back? What would I lose?
I don’t want to be told that the periodic daylong workshops I’ve been coordinating need to stop. I don’t really expect those to go away because they are so infrequent and they are very relaxing. But it is a commitment on my time and energy, so it needs to be considered.
I don’t want to stop going to BART. I recognize that a weekly commitment is one that presses on my stress-o-meter even if I enjoy it. But I don’t want to give this up and I really need one night a week out of the house.
I fear that I’m going to be told that I can’t go to the gym anymore because my body needs more “down” time. Since F’s in PT three nights a week and supposed to be taking the vanpool (i.e. out of the house by 5:20 am), I have a really rigorous schedule. The only way I can work out is if I get up at 4am and be back home by 5:20 am OR do it after the kids go to bed at 8pm. For me, the evening workout doesn’t really work, but if the doctor said so, I’d switch. And I’d rather switch to nighttime than quit my work out.
I’m worried I’ll be told to step back from Collegium, which I realize is a huge commitment and resides in a part of my brain all the time. Therefore it represents a constant level of stress and energy drain. However, I am really enjoying myself and it’s a very fulfilling activity. I loved helping with Collegium under Keegan and was disappointed to fall out of that loop. Autocratting A&S was such a huge amount of fun (and work) and I learned so much from that event. It’s exciting to apply what I’ve learned about these events to Collegium, which (IMO) is less complicated because it’s not a camping event. Having to give this up without finishing my term properly would cause some severe internal emotional havoc.
I don’t think I’m capable of giving up planning social activities. I’m planning the baby’s baptism. I’m planning an “Alice in Wonderland” tea-party in June for the kids. There is some stress involved because of the logistics and it’s going to be at our house, but it’s also really fun.
I don't know what the doctor will find out. I was borderline diabetic when I was pregnant. I generally have low blood pressure. I don't generally get sick. The boss suggested thyroid or diabetes or some blood-glucose disorder thing. I always thought I'd have to worry about cancer, not some blood thing.
Feh!
That opens an entire can of worm wrt my feelings about myself and my place in the universe. My comfort zone is looking after everyone else, not being looked after. If I go on, I'll reveal my guilt-programmed Irish Catholic roots.
Looks like I need to call the doctor.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2005-04-07 07:16 pm (UTC)And hang in there. I've also gone through various degrees of health issues and coming to terms with them (or sometimes not!), so I'm definitely sympathetic.
Easy for me to say...
Date: 2005-04-07 09:36 pm (UTC)I know it's easy for me to say "worry about the other stuff when the time comes" and "well, you may have to pick and choose among your commitments, but it's not the end of the world". As I just wrote in my own journal, internally it does feel like the end of the world. It sucks big hairy rocks, and there's no getting around it.
But it's not the end, really. If it comes to that, you'll adjust emotionally in time. You're a strong person, and I have total faith that you'll find a way to cope.
Feel free to lean anytime. For this at least, I can be a little bit useful.
Regarding the Thyroid
Date: 2005-04-07 09:44 pm (UTC)A blood test to determine what dosage of Synthroid to take, one pill each morning, and a blood test every 3-6 months to track hormone level.
Fatigue and weight gain are among symptoms of low thyroid, by the way.
Lean on either or both of us, at any time.