Age and all that

[threadwalker]

When did I fall out of love with drama?

I was reflecting on the SCA social drama that some people seem to live and submerge themselves into. I don't track it much anymore. We must have loved it when we were in our early 20s. I recall that every little thing was passionately important. The small-village aspect of the SCA community intensifies that.

Who was wearing what and did it look like the new dress I made in secret? who was dating whom? who was secretly preparing guard favors? who was teaching and who was displaying? who was being fought for on the field of honor and who wasn't? who'd recently been elevated to a peerage? who was camping and who was day-tripping? who was invited to that dinner party over yonder? who was sitting under which sunshade around the eric? who'd been squired/apprenticed/proteged most recently? Who was schmoozing and who was laying low?

And a myriad of other inconsequential things seemed really important back then. I rarely even notice anymore unless someone points it out. And when people bring it up to me presented as an all important factoid, I usually shrug and ask, "Why is this important to me?"

Why would it be important to me? I have children who depend on me to raise and nurture them, I have an amazing life partner who's pretty sure I've made him into a better person and who's spent the last 18 years inspiring me to be a better person(*), I have a great extended family that complete my village, and I have a very consuming career that is keenly tied into saving lives. My hobby accentuates my life, it does not own my life. I participate in the hobby as an outlet for creative endeavors, as an outlet for my internal compulsion to organize and plan, and as a shared interest with my friends. There is no space in that equation for wasting my time and energy on freshman social drama. Even Collegium, which could be very stressful and time consuming, never became 'dramatic' for me even with the cast of colorful characters and volume of work.

(Yes - you are all colorful characters. Every one of you. And you know it! How else would be be such amazing teachers and students and artists? Stop blushing and just own it.)

I guess I grew up. When did I become my mother?

(sigh. I must go bury my face in a pillow. At least I don't dress like her anymore. I have an old post where I realized I dress like my mom. I think that's fixed.)

My hobby will always be something that I manage and not something that manages me. I've outgrown that phase where I was worried that if I missed one event it would mean the end of my life as I know it. The bulk of the social drama in the SCA doesn't hold my attention for very long and on the rare occasions when drama lands on my door step and forces me to pay attention, it's an unwelcome burden which pisses me off because it's distracting me from more important life-worthy things.

Yes, I'm definitely out of love with Drama.


(*) Holy Dorian Gray, Batman! Get your picture taken and hide it before another day passes! 18 years? I was 20 when we met - that's almost half my life!!!! I'm not really this old am I? Or maybe this old really isn't that old? I feel pretty spry. Although ... I am getting tired of camping and pounding tent stakes into the ground. ... Quickly now, where's my camera?

Comments

[dame-cordelia.livejournal.com]

When I first found the SCA I jumped in the deep end, but in recent years have deliberately and carefully made sure it was not my entire life. If that means I never get a peerage, I'm okay with that.

The fact that the center of your life is your darling husband and your wonderful children, that sounds pretty healthy to me.

[catagon3.livejournal.com]

I remember those good ol' drama days. I remember keeping myself awake worrying about who might win Crown one time and then suddenly realizing "you know, even in the fairly small scheme of things, this really doesn't matter. It won't be me, so it won't affect my life." It would have been hard to imagine being as inactive as I have been these last few years.