Head Trip and Stress Management

[threadwalker]

I am writing this down because I will come back to this next week when I'm freaking about something at work. The exercise of the writing and, later on, rereading helps me refocus and manage my stress.

Today shifted into a day from hell at 9:20, when I said "we'll see" and walked out on the DLotS**. My stress therapy used to be eating and shopping for project supplies on-line; both costly in their own ways. I've changed the way I manage stress and now I call one of my 'sisters' and ask them to talk me down so that I don't do something regrettable at work, I read one of the weight-watchers bits of literature I keep at my desk for times like this, I write to myself about my fitness stuff here, or I cruise the net for tasty recipes that fit into my wellness plan. Sometimes I do all of the above. It's definitely healthier and I think it works because it represents something I have control over: my investment in me.

But I have to examine what I'm doing and explain to myself why one replacement works and other replacements don't work. I think that when I'm stressed I am driven to fulfill a need for immediate gratification because more than likely I'm stressed about something that I have no control over. Therefore, in moments of feeling like I have no control, eating and shopping are fairly easy ways to have some sort of control and get instant gratification. Even though I can intellectually recognize that I am feeding my emotions by doing this, I can't ignore the fact that I need some way of addressing my stress.

Unfortunately, instant gratification is not appeased by the reverse of eating or shopping. I can't say "and now I will demonstrate control by NOT eating or by NOT shopping or NOT spending money". For me control and instant gratification are related to a change that's "addition", not a "subtraction". Boycotting the things I like is not the "investment in me" that works to fulfill my need for instant gratification that my stress seeks. In fact, it usually adds more stress and an instant craving for whatever thing I'm boycotting.

My investment in me is also not geared around focusing on the results of fitness and well-being. Focusing on future results or maintaining current results does not give me the feeling of instant gratification that I need to manage my stress. This is why a year ago I did not try to envision the level of fitness or wellness I would have today when I embarked on this journey. I avoided doing that last year because in previous efforts to improve my health I focused on the results and not the mental turn-around that needed to occur first. Without fail, I failed because the results were not fulfilling my need for instant gratification, so I would start putting off healthy changes in favor of more immediate pleasures and the ongoing failure to follow through beat me down from the inside out. Therefore, I have already proven to myself that I am not motivated by gaining future results when it comes to stress management and fulfilling my drive for instant gratification.

to be continued later today or tomorrow...when I have more time.
**Dark Lord of the Sith

Comments

Go you!

[dame-cordelia.livejournal.com]

Your recognition that giving yourself pleasure is a satisfying act when you are in a stressful/out of control situation was the first step in your awareness.

You are to be commended for having successfully changed the type of pleasure that you give yourself. That's a very difficult substitution to make.

Re: Go you!

[thread-walker.livejournal.com]

yah know, when you talk about me giving pleasure to myself, it almost has a naughty ring to it. LOL. I know you don't mean it that way, but I sat her giggling. To which I have to say "thanks for making my giggle" since I'm still riding my wave of "extreme angst and confrontation at work" and today is shaping up to be another test of character.

I may have to come back to your reply later today to find the giggles again. lol

Re: Go you!

[dame-cordelia.livejournal.com]

Take your giggles where you find them!