Fitness blah-g
Dec. 10th, 2007 03:37 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
threadwalkerI am so "off my fitness like a maniac" wagon. But I'm not stressed. How weird and very unlike me. Not that I'm any "less" obsessed, but I'm not beating myself up. I started drafting this post last week and initially it was a rant against myself, but by the time I finished it, I decided to embrace the situation and stop freaking out. Instead I included a rant about how I'm not allowed to rant.
My planned schedule:
Gym workouts: Fri, Sat, Sun, Mon, Tue, Wed
Thurs: official day of not working out.
My recent reality since Halloween-ish:
gym workouts: Sun, Mon, Tue, Wed.
Real World Running: one day at work at lunch for 30-40 min.
Lunch time yoga on Mondays
Thursday eve: no-guilt day off from fitness.
Fitness status:
1. Abs: I had the beginnings of a 6-pack in my abs in October. Now I'm all mushy again. Today's ab-work out was not up to the par of what I was doing in October. Time to get on it again, but I'm not discouraged, I'm excited. I can do this.
2. Endurance: My endurance is up except for the first day after a 2-day (or longer!) break. No surprise about what happens after a break. And I'm stoked that I am routinely up to running 40 min on the treadmill doing the hill interval training.
3. Leg Injury: all gone. I am grateful that I can run without excruciating pain.
4. Planar fasciatis (spelling?): Flare up 2-3 years ago has been gone for a while. I guess the tissue around the bone spurs is fine and I wear very expensive running shoes to make sure it stays that way.
5. Quadriceps: Wow! They look like ham-hocks to me most of the time; big fleshy white legs that taper into "sturdy" ankles that jiggle with seismic effect when I run. I don't know if it was the lighting or what, but I got an unusual view of my legs in the mirror today and I have muscles. I mean of course we all have muscles, but it looks like I have the beginnings of runners quads. I'm shocked. It's been a long time since I had anything actually resembling "fit" on my person. It was very encouraging.
Balancing Act
Mindset: I'm not stressed. My weight is not outside my current set range and I'm enjoying myself a little. My fitness goals are not going to be destroyed by "slacking" a bit right now. Which probably isn't really "slacking" but more like balancing fitness against the holiday and family demands at this time of year.
It all good. And I am very motivated to keep on trucking even if I don't feel/see the effects of additional progress for a long time.
Here's my rant. It's my LJ, so I get to rant. This is not an attempt to fish for compliments - I'm sharing some frustration I have.
I'm in a club that does not get to complain about being over weight or out of shape without being mocked. People don't want to hear me complain about my body because losing weight seems to automatically put me on a list that does not deserve to be frustrated or dissatisfied. It feels like I'm not allowed to comment on how hard it is to make good food choices, how tempting it is to indulge and why I should not make every day a pastry-free-for-all. And I'm pretty much forbidden from saying, "God, I hate the fat on my inner thighs." Or, "Why can't I get rid of this tire around my middle?!?"
Okay, there are some folks who lose weight and use these comments to fish for compliments. I do not. And I hate to be lumped with them. And I hate the derision I get when I complain. In fact, I hate it so much, I just had an emotional spike when I wrote that and it felt something like, "damn it, that felt good to complain about and I will NOT feel guilty for it."
I hate my spare tire!!!
I hate my droopy butt!!!
I hate my spongey saddle bags!!!
I hate the seismic activity in my legs!!!
Wow! felt good!
Back to rant: When I make a complaint, the responses I get are, "Well, at least you lost weight." Or sarcasm, "Oh, verily, the cross that is born by those who have lost weight is mighty..." It makes me feel like I'm not allowed to speak freely of my body-frustration unless it's with others who've also succeeded in losing weight.
I can't speak for anyone else, but I can share my perspective on what I see when I look at myself. Again, it's important to know that I'm NOT fishing for compliments. But I don't see a super model. I look in the mirror and the changes are invisible to me except I can "see" my tummy is smaller and I can "see" the hard-won muscles in my shoulders. But the rest? I look down at my legs and they look like slabs of ham that taper to chunky ankles.
I see lots of mushy stuff spread all across me. Everything that should be toned and tight is flabby and mushy; everything that should be perky is droopy. I have a spare tire around my tummy and I accept that my inner thighs are going to be fat-storage in case of future famine. And frankly, comments like "well, at least you lost weight" vex me. While I'm trying to be sensitive to the feelings of those who are overweight and the challenges they face, guess what! It was hard work, it didn't happen by accident, and it was a gift in the sense that I have both the opportunity and the physical ability to make it happen. But the opportunity to tackle the challenge was the gift; the weight loss and fitness were never "given" to me. I don't have that body type that easily turns fat into muscle and I'm not naturally slim. I'm a fat-storer and apparently I'm an apple. I can see the movie popcorn and cookies and rum from last weekend right in my middle. And regardless how much weight I lost to get here, I feel fat when I bend forward to tie my shoes and my stomach squashes in the way.
I get to be frustrated and I get to feel "fat" just like everyone else. Dam it! Don't tell me how I should feel and don't blow me off because I have made progress. I'm entitled to my feelings.
wow. that feels good.
My planned schedule:
Gym workouts: Fri, Sat, Sun, Mon, Tue, Wed
Thurs: official day of not working out.
My recent reality since Halloween-ish:
gym workouts: Sun, Mon, Tue, Wed.
Real World Running: one day at work at lunch for 30-40 min.
Lunch time yoga on Mondays
Thursday eve: no-guilt day off from fitness.
Fitness status:
1. Abs: I had the beginnings of a 6-pack in my abs in October. Now I'm all mushy again. Today's ab-work out was not up to the par of what I was doing in October. Time to get on it again, but I'm not discouraged, I'm excited. I can do this.
2. Endurance: My endurance is up except for the first day after a 2-day (or longer!) break. No surprise about what happens after a break. And I'm stoked that I am routinely up to running 40 min on the treadmill doing the hill interval training.
3. Leg Injury: all gone. I am grateful that I can run without excruciating pain.
4. Planar fasciatis (spelling?): Flare up 2-3 years ago has been gone for a while. I guess the tissue around the bone spurs is fine and I wear very expensive running shoes to make sure it stays that way.
5. Quadriceps: Wow! They look like ham-hocks to me most of the time; big fleshy white legs that taper into "sturdy" ankles that jiggle with seismic effect when I run. I don't know if it was the lighting or what, but I got an unusual view of my legs in the mirror today and I have muscles. I mean of course we all have muscles, but it looks like I have the beginnings of runners quads. I'm shocked. It's been a long time since I had anything actually resembling "fit" on my person. It was very encouraging.
Balancing Act
Mindset: I'm not stressed. My weight is not outside my current set range and I'm enjoying myself a little. My fitness goals are not going to be destroyed by "slacking" a bit right now. Which probably isn't really "slacking" but more like balancing fitness against the holiday and family demands at this time of year.
It all good. And I am very motivated to keep on trucking even if I don't feel/see the effects of additional progress for a long time.
Here's my rant. It's my LJ, so I get to rant. This is not an attempt to fish for compliments - I'm sharing some frustration I have.
I'm in a club that does not get to complain about being over weight or out of shape without being mocked. People don't want to hear me complain about my body because losing weight seems to automatically put me on a list that does not deserve to be frustrated or dissatisfied. It feels like I'm not allowed to comment on how hard it is to make good food choices, how tempting it is to indulge and why I should not make every day a pastry-free-for-all. And I'm pretty much forbidden from saying, "God, I hate the fat on my inner thighs." Or, "Why can't I get rid of this tire around my middle?!?"
Okay, there are some folks who lose weight and use these comments to fish for compliments. I do not. And I hate to be lumped with them. And I hate the derision I get when I complain. In fact, I hate it so much, I just had an emotional spike when I wrote that and it felt something like, "damn it, that felt good to complain about and I will NOT feel guilty for it."
I hate my spare tire!!!
I hate my droopy butt!!!
I hate my spongey saddle bags!!!
I hate the seismic activity in my legs!!!
Wow! felt good!
Back to rant: When I make a complaint, the responses I get are, "Well, at least you lost weight." Or sarcasm, "Oh, verily, the cross that is born by those who have lost weight is mighty..." It makes me feel like I'm not allowed to speak freely of my body-frustration unless it's with others who've also succeeded in losing weight.
I can't speak for anyone else, but I can share my perspective on what I see when I look at myself. Again, it's important to know that I'm NOT fishing for compliments. But I don't see a super model. I look in the mirror and the changes are invisible to me except I can "see" my tummy is smaller and I can "see" the hard-won muscles in my shoulders. But the rest? I look down at my legs and they look like slabs of ham that taper to chunky ankles.
I see lots of mushy stuff spread all across me. Everything that should be toned and tight is flabby and mushy; everything that should be perky is droopy. I have a spare tire around my tummy and I accept that my inner thighs are going to be fat-storage in case of future famine. And frankly, comments like "well, at least you lost weight" vex me. While I'm trying to be sensitive to the feelings of those who are overweight and the challenges they face, guess what! It was hard work, it didn't happen by accident, and it was a gift in the sense that I have both the opportunity and the physical ability to make it happen. But the opportunity to tackle the challenge was the gift; the weight loss and fitness were never "given" to me. I don't have that body type that easily turns fat into muscle and I'm not naturally slim. I'm a fat-storer and apparently I'm an apple. I can see the movie popcorn and cookies and rum from last weekend right in my middle. And regardless how much weight I lost to get here, I feel fat when I bend forward to tie my shoes and my stomach squashes in the way.
I get to be frustrated and I get to feel "fat" just like everyone else. Dam it! Don't tell me how I should feel and don't blow me off because I have made progress. I'm entitled to my feelings.
wow. that feels good.
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no subject
Date: 2007-12-11 06:00 pm (UTC)I think sometimes people want to drag others down rather than celebrate where they are, or commiserate with what they are going through.
Body image is such a personal thing, and we all experience it differently. I don't think you should have to feel any particular way about it...feel what you feel, and express what you feel to those that you know are 'safe' for you!
(BTW...I'm safe...) ;-)