Feedback welcome: on parenting

[threadwalker]

My current question:

I see a ton of teens getting out of high school with no idea what to do with their lives. They hate school, so they don't go to college. Or they go to Junior College and putter around there for 10 years or so. To me, they appear directionless and with no drive to do anything with their lives.

I want my kids to pick a career path or vocation, regardless whether it involved college (although I prefer them to go to college). I want them to grow up, move out, and be big people in the big-people world. How do I get my kids to choose a life path that doens't involve laying on my sofa watching TV or plugging into computer games and guzzling Purple Flrup(1)?

All thoughts and feedback welcome. Feel free to ramble. You don't need to be a parent to have an opinion or insights.

Later I'll post what I've already started doing. I suspect the soft-fuzzy folks who prefer to solve family conflict with cookies and hugs will think of my house as being run by the Boot-Camp Mom from Hell.

(1) Jimmy Neutron reference.

Comments

[theiadora.livejournal.com]

What worked in my family (with a military Father).
From age 8-10? we had to do chores to get an allowance. No Chores finished, got us a spanking, and then had to do them anyway, but then NO allowance since they had to Remind us. Our own Laundry (with minor supervision), Sweeping, Vaccuming, Raking kind of things.
Starting with Junior High (7th grade) parents asked "So what do you want to do with your life? What Job are you going to do? They explained that while they were going to be willing to assist for a couple of years IF we Went to college, the piggy bank was going to be cut off after High School. So we needed to start looking into what interested us and see if there was ways to make money at it. And they were willing to get us into After school programs to get that focus assisted.
By 8th Grade, we were having to pay for most of our wardrobe and any "spiffies" we wanted out of our own allowance. Or Job income. (I worked summers at various locations/professions since I was 16.)
By 9th Grade, we had an idea of what we were thinking of doing for income. We had to pay for all of our wardrobe, IF the shopping spree wasn't Mom's idea and she didn't get approval on ALL of it. Encouraged to get Better jobs over the summers or on Weekends (if grades were good), to assist in the focus of what we wanted to do in life. We were reminded that there was always the Military to fall back on if we chose that route. But were reminded that being an Officer (like my dad) was going to be easier on us then being enlisted. Which meant College & Focus.
10th-12th Kind of stayed the same type of guideance, but with more Chores & Errands for parents that we were responsible for. With more lectures about the opprotunities of Military Service if we couldn't focus on a Civilian job.
College: They paid for the Classes, Books, Rent, and $50 toward food. Anything else (gas, more food, entertainment, phone, power). On our own.
Had to get jobs versus taking a Student loan, as the Parents income made us ineligible (by something like $100.00) for Student loans of any kind.
My old sister grew up alot that first month, when they refused to send her any more money.... Mom did end up sending her a "birthday check" before the end of the month. Sis then complained when her birthday rolled around and she didn't get anything more.... :p
I made sure had money in my checking account when I went off to college (a lot more then my parents thought I had), and searched for a job the day I moved into the town where I was going to school (and got one by the 3rd day @ the school, I then got a discount at the cafeteria for being "Staff"). I really think I was much better prepared then my sister.

Over the course of our Adult lives we've had the "safety net" of being able to move home if we lost our jobs, and couldn't afford rent. But then the Chores were back (in lieu of rent), rules to follow when living under their roof (In by 1:00 am whatever day of the week) and when we got a job again there was a token rent to encourage us to move out. They were happy to see us, the just didn't want us to Stay indefinately.

Encourage their interests, show them the path to make money from them. Give them responsiblities, and hold them accountable for their actions. You'll feel better, and they will be fine. When they fall down, help them up, but don't FIX it for them.