Boot Camp Mom Terrorizes After School Program

[threadwalker]

Monday: N forgets to turn in homework for 3rd day in a row.
Yes, he gets reminded by me each day.
Yes, his teacher reminds the class first thing in the morning.
Yes, he packs his own pack and knows it's there.

My fear: the trend of older kids who do homework and never turn it in OR who do it and keep redoing it without ever turning it in.

There is no logical reason for this and we already had "the big talk" on Friday. So when I pick him up on Monday and find out, I scold him on the spot at the day-care. The teacher and 3-4 school age kids in the room freeze in place and sort of shrink in on themselves. I was blunt and angry and not taking wimpy excuses. He was put on the spot to explain himself and he couldn't. There were follow up consequences at home that included going to bed right after dinner, threat of cancelling "fun stuff" we had planned through the week and over the weekend, and him having to do his homework alone until the old stuff gets turned in. There was also coaching where we role-played and practiced turning in homework and I came up with a reminder that involves putting a sticker on his hand. (He succeeded to get his homework in on Tuesday and Wednesday.)

Tuesday: I am picking up N and I witness Class Mate B kick N's homework folder. N's paperwork promptly scatters across the floor. FYI- this is his second homework folder. The first one was "thrown" by someone and disappeared. It was full of homework and never resurfaced. Can you color me pissed off? I've since been told that the kids like to hide things from each other.

When I witness this, I promptly call the attention of the entire class and I ream them out. (The teacher was actually in the corner dealing with one of the problem kids and missed most of my Boot Camp Mom show.)
"N's folder is not a soccer ball and not a toy. It is off limits to horsing around. Homework is serious stuff and now you've pissed me off. You will not take it from him, you will not hide it from him, you will not kick it. I am very angry and if this happens again, I will take it up with the school director AND your parents. This is your first and only warning. N's first folder is still missing and I am not going to tolerate any further disrespect. If you mess with that folder, then you mess with me and I will not put up with it." And I called each child by name, made them look me in the eye, and asked them if they understood me, which is when the teacher popped up to find out what was going on. Each kid said they did. The older boys (the biggest trouble makers) were the real target for this conversation and I made sure I loomed over them and stared them down. Yup, I'm bigger than you and not afraid to show you how aggressive I can be. Don't mistake me for someone who's going to treat you with kid gloves or who mistakes you for perfect angels.

Wednesday:
The girls turn to have a run-in with Boot Camp Mom. I check E out from her class first and we go into the big kid room to get N. She runs off to huddle with the big girls while N gets his shoes on and back-pack, etc. She comes back with a new "thing" in her hand. I immediately guess that one of the girls traded her for the gum that was in her pocket. (I was going to throw the gum out anyway, but that's not the point). I summon all the girls over and demand to know who's trading with E. They don't confess, but E narqs on Girl-A. I require them to un-trade. I am not raising my voice, I'm just directing everyone. Then I explain that they are not allowed to trade with E or N nor are they allowed to "give" them things without clearing it through me. I ask them if they know why. (The class instructor tried to step in, but I asked him to please let me finish first). The boys gather up, too. They can't guess why. So I explain: If someone gives you something, how do you know it's theirs to give? How do you know it's clean and wasn't sitting in dog poop? (They all say "ewww!") How do you know it's safe? I recall them to Snow White and the apple. I tell them that not everyone likes kids; some people enjoy tricking kids and don't care if kids get hurt. Someone may want to give them candy, but it might not be candy, it might be something bad that hurts their tummies and puts them in the hospital. It's important that you don't accept things from people without checking with your parents. (One boy pipes up, "Just like my trick or treat candy." EXACTLY!!!) And that is why they are not allowed to trade with N or E and that is why they are not allowed to give things to N or E.

(The instructor, who's probably 22 or 23, was impressed and thanked me. He's so young and cute. sigh. I'm afraid the kids are going to wear him out.)

Thursday morning: I drop N off and his missing homework binder has magically shown up in his cubby. (it was not there on Tuesday during pick up and I didn't check on Wednesday).

Yup, I'm a Boot Camp Mom and I've got no problem with cracking my whip on these other kids if they cross me or my kids. And apparently someone decided to avoid risking my wrath and coughed up the folder. Good call.

Comments

[thread-walker.livejournal.com]

Thanks.

[fighter-chick.livejournal.com]

Wowzers!

Well, you're obviously not one of those parents/people who believes that all the little children are made of some combination of spun glass and angel spit. So many people seem to think that these days, and it does the kids no service in their later lives.

Here's hoping that Boot Camp Mom was so effective that she doesn't need to make too many further appearances!

[thread-walker.livejournal.com]

Angel spit and spun glass... that's a good one.

Yes, I'm sure I'll have some repeat talks with the kids. How many? who knows. sigh. I wonder if the other parents will start complaining about me eventually.

Sniff.

[learnteach.livejournal.com]

Please, please, please keep being like this! If ANY of my students had had some sense put into them, they would have done so much better! And, your "ream them out" was nothing compared to some of the psycho illogical screaming some of the other kids, and parents, project occasionally.

You'll have to do it again, but you do it so well. Brings a tear to my eye. Thank you!

Re: Sniff.

[thread-walker.livejournal.com]

You will appreciate this:

I told the assistant director all about this last night. She fell out of her chair laughing. She also told me that I am the ONLY parent that spends some time hanging out and talking to all the other kids. And I do. But the only one? wow.

She also asked me to keep it up. In her opinion, hearing the "good behaviour" lecture from another parent really helps to reinforce the teachers.

Re: Sniff.

[learnteach.livejournal.com]

Yes. The only one. Not a big surprise.

Nimue's husband Chris goes and reads to his son's class. He's surprised that there aren't more volunteers in general (like you) and even more surprised that he's the only male he ever sees. But some of the kids have never had a male enter the classroom and do something--read, teach, lecture.

Keep it up!

[ysabella-dolfin.livejournal.com]

Have you considered taking up marijuana? Maybe get a bong for you and the kids and just smoke out to some Bob Marley like once a week and get all mellow. Teach the kids how to field dress the cat and swear in four different languages. Let them play in the kitty litter box. I mean you think MY kids are pretty sweet and cool, and they all know how to make malt liquor and burp the ABC's. hee hee

[thread-walker.livejournal.com]

There's a big difference in our situations. I might be wrong, but I'm pretty sure your kids don't go to a before/after school program. So other than going to school, they are in their home environment. That's setting aside the after school activities that Michael, who's older, gets involved in or that Sarah is doing.

So you compete with fewer authority figures and fewer environments outside your supervision and your kids are submerged in fewer "mob/pack" environments. Your kids spend more time in their home environment where they are familiar with expectations, they are "safe" because no one is going to be unexpectedly cruel or unfair or neglectful to them, where they are "heard" and not competing with 10 other kids for your attention, and where you have a lot more immediate feedback into what's going on.

I see my kids at night from 6:30 pm to 8:00 pm, when they go to bed. So I have 90 minutes to do homework and either reinforce good behaviour/values or undo something that happened hours or days earlier and, if I'm lucky, squeeze in the stuff I want to do with them; the burping and pillow fights and summertime water fights and painting the bathroom walls with finger paints at bath time and playing with learning to cook.

It's a whole different "day" when I blow off a day of work and get to drop them off, pick them up, and chart out the day to my desires. But that's not my norm. We have different situations with different challenges and I feel that I have to be proactive since my time with the kids is so limited.

[ysabella-dolfin.livejournal.com]

I think all kids are involved in after school activites now adays! Sara has:
Drama on Mon and Sat til late
Piano on Wed
Tennis Lessons on Thurs and Sat

Mike is the director of the improv program at College Park right now and does that every day after school except Friday and has a class at ACT on Sat in the City.

Plus, I split custody with their father so I have them typically 4 days a week, so my time is more limited with them than you might think.

Your kids are *really* good kids. They are not encumbered by some of the congenital hardships that I see so many kids being medicated for and struglling with now adays. AND they have two spectacular and loving parents. They are rediculously far ahead of the curve just taking those two factors into consideration. Your kids are going to be fine! It is our job to worry and moniter and finagle, but you have the delightful blessing of have fabulous kids so you can relax way more than 99% of parents out there!

And in the end... they will always have to deal with many many individuals and authority figures that we have increasingly less control over as they get older. I remember being infuriated by First Grade that someone else was having so much influence over my child and I had zero control over who that was (having a "Bad" teacher is a horrible fact of life eventually for most kids). But Michael learned a lot.

I did a demo recently where the people were fundies (fundamentalist Christian) and they home school their kids to keep them away from all those external factors. It is an interesting concept to have THAT much control over your kid's influences. But after spending time with Brion's neices and nefews (who are home schooled for similar reasons), I came away wondering how long a parent really can assert control and what effect does having your parents taking up THAT much space in your brain? Til they are 18? ok, but if we want them to go to college we really have some control (sort of) till 22 or so? Then what? Get a good job? Marry someone appropriate? Am *I* a failure if none of these things happen? Can they still have happy and fulfilling lives? Did *I* do everything my mom wanted (not hardly)?

Anyway, just shooting rubberbands at the moon. What is our great purpose?! All intruging questions. Being a parent is just a scary thing, no matter which way you slice it :) At the end of the day, I think we all want to look back and think we did the best we could in a very weighty job. Overacheviers (like a certain hottie I know) will look back and want to say, "I left no stone unturned and gave 110% as a parent. I rock!" and under achevgiers (like myself) will be like, "well I didn't sell them to the circus! I rock!" And we are both right! LOL

[thread-walker.livejournal.com]

excellent points...

It took me a while to figure out you might have meant me when you said "overachiever" in the last paragraph. I thought you meant Victoria since you linked it with 'hottie'.

I may sell mine to the circus. heh

[klwilliams.livejournal.com]

You are my hero. You totally rock.

[thread-walker.livejournal.com]

I think we are mutual heroes: you're my hero, too!

Post more about your martial arts... I really enjoyed the picture and reading your posts.

Have a lovely Friday.

[dame-cordelia.livejournal.com]

That's awesome! You are such a good mom!