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threadwalkerFrom last night.
Forward Moving Chaos
(Me upstairs, kids down stairs, all of us shouting back and forth)
Miss E, "Mommy, N spanked my bottom!"
me, ignoring and hoping it will go away on its own.
Miss E, louder, "Mommy! Mommy! Are you listening?" Insert Cry-screech. "N spanked my bottom!" voice dwindles into a single sob. (This kid is either really hurt or I need to get her in drama classes ASAP so she can rise to stardom and take care of me in my old age).
Me, "N, what do you think I'm going to say about hitting?"
N, silence, probably hoping I'll drop it.
Me, "N, why did you hit your sister?"
N, "I didn't do any...I mean she farted in my face!" Which began as a self-defensive whine and switched to indignation. (Another acting star on the rise!)
I roll my eyes. Has my 4 yr old fashionista actually adopted the boy-tactics from school? sigh.
Me, "Okay, N, you are supposed to be reading. Take your reading material and go read in bed. Stay there until I come talk to you. Miss E, time out in your bed, too. And no toys in time out, you sit or lay there without toys."
The new policy is if I can't untangle it, I don't have the energy to untangle it, it makes me grouchy, or they escalate to the point of smacking, time out for everyone.
And that was the nicest, quietest 10 minutes ever!!!
And explaining this to F over the phone half an hour later was priceless. He laughed so hard, I thought he was going to crash.
Wisdom on Relationships from my 4yr old
I climb in bed with the kids at bed time and snuggle them for 5-10 minutes. It's pretty special and it's the one chance that each one gets my undivided attention.
Miss E and I are laying there in the underwater secret treefort, which is not quite done and we are discussing whether I should paint mermaids on the area above the closet door.
Miss E, "Mommy, I want little sea horses, Ariel and all her sisters."
Me, "All her sisters?"
Miss E, "Yes, even the mean one."
Me, "I don't think we should paint bad guys on your walls. This is a safe place and bad guys don't get to come into the underwater treefort."
Miss E, "Mommy, she's not really a bad guy. She only acts mean because she doens't know how to express her real feelings. She really feels sad that Ariel won't take her on adventures. And Ariel doesn't take her because Ariel wants to be brave for her sister and is too kind to put her in danger. So they always fight because they love each other but don't talk about how they really feel."
I just stared at her. Wow.
Then I asked, "Why don't they talk about their feelings?"
Miss E, shrugs, smiles and rolls her eyes like I'm ridiculous, "Oh Mommy, I don't know why, just that they don't."
Little Man Wisdom
My son is pretty observant and thoughtful. On the heals of being rocked by Miss E, I'm glad we kept our conversation to how he was doing in school and how I was proud of his reading.
He wrapped it up with, "Mommy, who's tougher, Doctor Strange or Madam Web?"
Me, with no clue who Madam Web is, "Doctor Strange."
He rolls his eyes, "Mommy! Madam Web is! How come you didn't know that? She has the power of the universe."
My kids are so much smarter than I am. :-D
Forward Moving Chaos
(Me upstairs, kids down stairs, all of us shouting back and forth)
Miss E, "Mommy, N spanked my bottom!"
me, ignoring and hoping it will go away on its own.
Miss E, louder, "Mommy! Mommy! Are you listening?" Insert Cry-screech. "N spanked my bottom!" voice dwindles into a single sob. (This kid is either really hurt or I need to get her in drama classes ASAP so she can rise to stardom and take care of me in my old age).
Me, "N, what do you think I'm going to say about hitting?"
N, silence, probably hoping I'll drop it.
Me, "N, why did you hit your sister?"
N, "I didn't do any...I mean she farted in my face!" Which began as a self-defensive whine and switched to indignation. (Another acting star on the rise!)
I roll my eyes. Has my 4 yr old fashionista actually adopted the boy-tactics from school? sigh.
Me, "Okay, N, you are supposed to be reading. Take your reading material and go read in bed. Stay there until I come talk to you. Miss E, time out in your bed, too. And no toys in time out, you sit or lay there without toys."
The new policy is if I can't untangle it, I don't have the energy to untangle it, it makes me grouchy, or they escalate to the point of smacking, time out for everyone.
And that was the nicest, quietest 10 minutes ever!!!
And explaining this to F over the phone half an hour later was priceless. He laughed so hard, I thought he was going to crash.
Wisdom on Relationships from my 4yr old
I climb in bed with the kids at bed time and snuggle them for 5-10 minutes. It's pretty special and it's the one chance that each one gets my undivided attention.
Miss E and I are laying there in the underwater secret treefort, which is not quite done and we are discussing whether I should paint mermaids on the area above the closet door.
Miss E, "Mommy, I want little sea horses, Ariel and all her sisters."
Me, "All her sisters?"
Miss E, "Yes, even the mean one."
Me, "I don't think we should paint bad guys on your walls. This is a safe place and bad guys don't get to come into the underwater treefort."
Miss E, "Mommy, she's not really a bad guy. She only acts mean because she doens't know how to express her real feelings. She really feels sad that Ariel won't take her on adventures. And Ariel doesn't take her because Ariel wants to be brave for her sister and is too kind to put her in danger. So they always fight because they love each other but don't talk about how they really feel."
I just stared at her. Wow.
Then I asked, "Why don't they talk about their feelings?"
Miss E, shrugs, smiles and rolls her eyes like I'm ridiculous, "Oh Mommy, I don't know why, just that they don't."
Little Man Wisdom
My son is pretty observant and thoughtful. On the heals of being rocked by Miss E, I'm glad we kept our conversation to how he was doing in school and how I was proud of his reading.
He wrapped it up with, "Mommy, who's tougher, Doctor Strange or Madam Web?"
Me, with no clue who Madam Web is, "Doctor Strange."
He rolls his eyes, "Mommy! Madam Web is! How come you didn't know that? She has the power of the universe."
My kids are so much smarter than I am. :-D
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Precocious moments
Date: 2008-09-17 03:39 pm (UTC)Ah parenting! Ain't it wonnerful?
Re: Precocious moments
Date: 2008-09-17 03:45 pm (UTC)And to think I might have sold them to the low bidder after a stressful grocery store trip with them on Monday! LOL...
Re: Precocious moments
Date: 2008-09-17 03:49 pm (UTC)I do know. I raised two birth children, one adopted child, and one fostered child. For every awful day you survive, you get back at least one wonderful insight or great experience. I guess it's all worth it in the long run.
The hardest part is that they grow up and go away and forget to call you 'cause they get so busy.
Re: Precocious moments
Date: 2008-09-17 07:21 pm (UTC)Re: Precocious moments
Date: 2008-09-17 08:21 pm (UTC)Teresa was my communicative one. We talked every day. Now I hardly ever hear from the others. I miss those conversations. Call you mom today please. It will make her very happy.
Re: Precocious moments
Date: 2008-09-18 05:25 pm (UTC)Monday night was exhausting with the kids. For whatever reason, going to the grocery store was a non-stop series of them yanking on each other and being separated by me. I work really hard at keeping a level, calm voice and not being the "angry" parent. Which can be tiring when all you want to do is sell them to the highest bidder.
As I was driving home from the store, I had this mental conversation with Teresa. Sound weird? I didn't know her well and we weren't close, but I always soaked up her parenting advice and her comments on life in general because she'd been through so much and had so much grace.
So I could hear her voice in my head in response to my imaginary "no shit, there we were in the store and the kids did thusly....". The Teresa in my head laughed and said, "Oh Ascelin! if only you knew! Kids do that, but they'll grow out of it. Don't worry, just be patient, explain yourself and before you know it, it will be all better and you'll have new dramas to cope with. But it all turns out in the end because you love them."
I found it very comforting. Her voice is often there cheering me on when I'm under pressure with the kids and wondering if I'm really the right person to be raising kids.
Re: Precocious moments
Date: 2008-09-18 11:31 pm (UTC)She talks to me frequently too, you know. So does my long-dead husband. I believe this: The good and wise people we have loved are inside us and if we let them, they can advise us in our lives today.
One of the things she was especially good at was making her kids feel loved. She trusted them to grow up well, and even last year she still cuddled with her adult children from time to time.
Yup. You will do fine. Just have faith.
Enjoy it now... time flies!!!
Date: 2008-09-17 06:33 pm (UTC)I really want to have more kids, but I think that the conventional wisdom is against having more kids... nevertheless, I would like one more baby... one more light in my life... but that is something that I will have to decide with my fiance when the time comes.
Re: Enjoy it now... time flies!!!
Date: 2008-09-17 07:23 pm (UTC)so I am really enjoying my snuggles and cuddles now... and I'm so glad we haven't reached the point where it's not cool to kiss mommy good by in public.
no subject
Date: 2008-09-17 11:47 pm (UTC)