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threadwalkerI'm very grateful.
It's been a very hard year for myself and almost all of my family. And when I say "family", I mean my blood sister, my mom, my inlaws and almost all of the family I've choosen. A lot of people I care about are looking at 2008 as the year that sucked and we are all hoping it doesn't follow us into 2009.
For me personally, the year has been a relentless grind and I've spent most of it in my personal oubliette. Unlike most years, the SCA really hasn't been a haven of fun. There have been some fun moments, but mostly the SCA year has been a very weird year full of weird vibes. Recent changes in the SCA "sandboxes" that I play in have really disheartened me and I'm resisting the urge to turn inward and away from the activities that I've loved the most for 20 years.
But right here, right now, I am grateful. It doesn't lessen the challenges I face or that sense of being trapped in sap, but my hearth and heart are intact and give me strength. I'm lucky and I'm grateful that I recognize that I have these; I don't take them for granted.
I'm grateful for the love in my life. Miss E is going through a phase where everytime I sit down, she's in my lap or snuggled up next to me and she keeps asking me to carry her; and I can't get enough of it and I can't stop giving her kisses and snuggles. Super N has always been fairly independent and he is growing up fast, but he still wants night-time snuggles and good-night kisses and loves it when I take an interest in his "things". Last night we watched Bionicle in his room for a little bit and he was excited to explain it all to me. I love watching F with the kids; he's such a good dad and has his own way of encouraging and nurturing. Sometimes I think he's too rough or sarcastic or "guy-like" and then it turns out the kids respond to him the way he intended, surprising me. I think we're good partners and learn a lot from each other.
I love our time together as family and as a couple - whether it's doing something exciting or running errands. For us work is such a devil; we have to do it in order to feed/house ourselves, but we're both in project-driven jobs, which means long days with deadlines that drive unpredictable longer days, so family time is dicey and "couple" time is catch-as-catch-can. Last night I skipped my run and instead cuddled up next to the hubby on the sofa; he was home early, he didn't have to work from home last night, and he had the energy level to be family-focused. For the first time in ages, we cuddled and watched TV (I vetoed "Family Guy". I wasn't in the mood for the sarcasm). But I can't get enough of that togetherness. I'm going to miss him and the kids terribly when I take my trip and I'm very disappointed that he/they won't be going with me, but I know it's a gift of love when someone who's as hyper-concerned about my safety as himself stands back and let's me have my dream.
I'm grateful for being able to experience all this love at home everyday and to be aware of it even in the midst of dragging my exhausted self through the front door into a cold, dark house with armload of groceries and 2 bickering kids. Instead of snapping at the bickering kids I smile and tell them that if they don't knock it off, they will be folding laundry after homework. LOL.
I'm grateful for all of this. Not only are my kids loved, but they know it. My husband is loved and knows it. I'm loved and know it. Everytime I see my larger family, I feel a burst of love inside me and I have to reach out and hug them; I've become kind of grabby about those hugs because the between-visits seem so long. Like the Oasis where you throw yourself into the water of your friends because it's been so long and you are parched.
I'm grateful for the small daily pleasures, too. Today, after slogging through a day on the manufacturing floor and getting so cold I couldn't stop shivering, I took a walk down the street to get the best ever mocha I've ever ever had. (Seriously!!!) I'm working on a piece of embroidery that feels good. I'm getting kudos at work and even if I don't get a "walks on water" review from this boss, he values me and I appreciate that. I've started a new kirtle (finally!) and I'm taking it slowly, enjoying the process. I'm running with my brother on Tuesdays and we are inspiring each other.
Sometimes this stuff snaps into focus and it's easy to feel grateful and sometimes you just have to take it on faith and hope that you'll get to feel it instead of intellectualize it. Right now I feel it everyday and I am grateful for that, too.
It's been a very hard year for myself and almost all of my family. And when I say "family", I mean my blood sister, my mom, my inlaws and almost all of the family I've choosen. A lot of people I care about are looking at 2008 as the year that sucked and we are all hoping it doesn't follow us into 2009.
For me personally, the year has been a relentless grind and I've spent most of it in my personal oubliette. Unlike most years, the SCA really hasn't been a haven of fun. There have been some fun moments, but mostly the SCA year has been a very weird year full of weird vibes. Recent changes in the SCA "sandboxes" that I play in have really disheartened me and I'm resisting the urge to turn inward and away from the activities that I've loved the most for 20 years.
But right here, right now, I am grateful. It doesn't lessen the challenges I face or that sense of being trapped in sap, but my hearth and heart are intact and give me strength. I'm lucky and I'm grateful that I recognize that I have these; I don't take them for granted.
I'm grateful for the love in my life. Miss E is going through a phase where everytime I sit down, she's in my lap or snuggled up next to me and she keeps asking me to carry her; and I can't get enough of it and I can't stop giving her kisses and snuggles. Super N has always been fairly independent and he is growing up fast, but he still wants night-time snuggles and good-night kisses and loves it when I take an interest in his "things". Last night we watched Bionicle in his room for a little bit and he was excited to explain it all to me. I love watching F with the kids; he's such a good dad and has his own way of encouraging and nurturing. Sometimes I think he's too rough or sarcastic or "guy-like" and then it turns out the kids respond to him the way he intended, surprising me. I think we're good partners and learn a lot from each other.
I love our time together as family and as a couple - whether it's doing something exciting or running errands. For us work is such a devil; we have to do it in order to feed/house ourselves, but we're both in project-driven jobs, which means long days with deadlines that drive unpredictable longer days, so family time is dicey and "couple" time is catch-as-catch-can. Last night I skipped my run and instead cuddled up next to the hubby on the sofa; he was home early, he didn't have to work from home last night, and he had the energy level to be family-focused. For the first time in ages, we cuddled and watched TV (I vetoed "Family Guy". I wasn't in the mood for the sarcasm). But I can't get enough of that togetherness. I'm going to miss him and the kids terribly when I take my trip and I'm very disappointed that he/they won't be going with me, but I know it's a gift of love when someone who's as hyper-concerned about my safety as himself stands back and let's me have my dream.
I'm grateful for being able to experience all this love at home everyday and to be aware of it even in the midst of dragging my exhausted self through the front door into a cold, dark house with armload of groceries and 2 bickering kids. Instead of snapping at the bickering kids I smile and tell them that if they don't knock it off, they will be folding laundry after homework. LOL.
I'm grateful for all of this. Not only are my kids loved, but they know it. My husband is loved and knows it. I'm loved and know it. Everytime I see my larger family, I feel a burst of love inside me and I have to reach out and hug them; I've become kind of grabby about those hugs because the between-visits seem so long. Like the Oasis where you throw yourself into the water of your friends because it's been so long and you are parched.
I'm grateful for the small daily pleasures, too. Today, after slogging through a day on the manufacturing floor and getting so cold I couldn't stop shivering, I took a walk down the street to get the best ever mocha I've ever ever had. (Seriously!!!) I'm working on a piece of embroidery that feels good. I'm getting kudos at work and even if I don't get a "walks on water" review from this boss, he values me and I appreciate that. I've started a new kirtle (finally!) and I'm taking it slowly, enjoying the process. I'm running with my brother on Tuesdays and we are inspiring each other.
Sometimes this stuff snaps into focus and it's easy to feel grateful and sometimes you just have to take it on faith and hope that you'll get to feel it instead of intellectualize it. Right now I feel it everyday and I am grateful for that, too.
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no subject
Date: 2008-10-15 01:46 am (UTC)