10 hrs of sleep later...
Sep. 11th, 2007 06:53 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
wow! I feel great!! Need to get rolling in a few. But I've got some more thoughts from the reunion I'm chewing on. I need to jot this down so I can look at it later and turn it over.
The difference between who we said we wanted to be and who we are.
I went to an all-women college prep high school. In 1987, of 140 graduates something like 130+ went to college afterwards. I hear that's a high rate, but I'm not going to exert myself to look up the statistics on it. Our class was toted as being statistically more academically advanced than any other class in decades based on AP testing, national academic awards, etc. Personally, I didn't participate in that stuff because my parents weren't interested. But the teachers sure were impressed.
We were told everyday that we could change the world and be whomever we wanted to be. I believed it. My classmates believed it. We were so fired up. They talked about law degrees, becoming judges, doctors, politicians, teachers, raising kids, becoming pro-athletes, etc.
Saturday night the woman who'd been the student body pres got up on a chair and gave a little speach. "Rock on! Red Barons! Rock on!"
(FYI: Our class mascot was the "Red Baron" and it was the age of rockers with big-hair and spandex. Yeah - someone was feeling nostalgic.)
Then she goes on to say some words of welcome and then the universe tilted. She said something like, "I don't think anyone can beat so-and-so, she has 5 kids."
"Oooohhhh, ahhhhhh," came from the crowd.
Me: Huh? WTF? when did we define ourselves by our interest or ability to produce offspring? I didn't realize the pop-quiz on "success" 20 years later would be "how many kids did you have." I may have actually said that out loud. I know I said something because I got a few "looks" from gals next to me.
Someone else yelled, "No, so-and-so has 8 kids."
(I roll my eyes)
The room cheers.
(I stare in disbelief).
Me: Were they passing out coolaid at the door?
So 20 years later the message is that success is related to having kids. That seems so sad to me. Being a mom is great, but it's only one thing that I do and having more kids is not necessarily a "better" thing. What about the women who don't want kids? Or can't have kids? I was offended on their behalf. I felt like a foreigner and wanted to run home to my girlfriends and get a reality check.
I don't understand what happened between then and now. Or maybe it's me. And that's what I'm percolating on.
The difference between who we said we wanted to be and who we are.
I went to an all-women college prep high school. In 1987, of 140 graduates something like 130+ went to college afterwards. I hear that's a high rate, but I'm not going to exert myself to look up the statistics on it. Our class was toted as being statistically more academically advanced than any other class in decades based on AP testing, national academic awards, etc. Personally, I didn't participate in that stuff because my parents weren't interested. But the teachers sure were impressed.
We were told everyday that we could change the world and be whomever we wanted to be. I believed it. My classmates believed it. We were so fired up. They talked about law degrees, becoming judges, doctors, politicians, teachers, raising kids, becoming pro-athletes, etc.
Saturday night the woman who'd been the student body pres got up on a chair and gave a little speach. "Rock on! Red Barons! Rock on!"
(FYI: Our class mascot was the "Red Baron" and it was the age of rockers with big-hair and spandex. Yeah - someone was feeling nostalgic.)
Then she goes on to say some words of welcome and then the universe tilted. She said something like, "I don't think anyone can beat so-and-so, she has 5 kids."
"Oooohhhh, ahhhhhh," came from the crowd.
Me: Huh? WTF? when did we define ourselves by our interest or ability to produce offspring? I didn't realize the pop-quiz on "success" 20 years later would be "how many kids did you have." I may have actually said that out loud. I know I said something because I got a few "looks" from gals next to me.
Someone else yelled, "No, so-and-so has 8 kids."
(I roll my eyes)
The room cheers.
(I stare in disbelief).
Me: Were they passing out coolaid at the door?
So 20 years later the message is that success is related to having kids. That seems so sad to me. Being a mom is great, but it's only one thing that I do and having more kids is not necessarily a "better" thing. What about the women who don't want kids? Or can't have kids? I was offended on their behalf. I felt like a foreigner and wanted to run home to my girlfriends and get a reality check.
I don't understand what happened between then and now. Or maybe it's me. And that's what I'm percolating on.
no subject
Date: 2007-09-11 03:41 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-09-11 04:40 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-09-11 05:34 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-09-11 07:55 pm (UTC)I think that a big part of it is that even to this day, women get so wrapped up in having children that once they pop out the first one, they don't do anything else. But they still have the desire to believe that what they are doing in the world is significant. Therefore, having babies becomes The Most Important Thing In The World(tm).
*sigh* Sad to hear of it, though. Makes me less interested in my 20th reunion when it comes, to be sure.
no subject
Date: 2007-09-11 08:18 pm (UTC)ah-ha!
Date: 2007-09-11 09:56 pm (UTC)Food for thought.
no subject
Date: 2007-09-11 11:30 pm (UTC)Pod people
Date: 2007-09-12 04:23 am (UTC)congratulations on getting married and you've achieved something by having kids.
I'm not sure that it's consumerism. It felt very old-fashioned family values kind of thing where dad goes to work and a "good" mom stays home with the kids. Did you see "Mona Lisa Smile"? I felt like Julia Roberts did upon discovering one of the brightest, most ambitious pupils suddenly elopes and proclaims all happiness is based on being married. (yes, an over-simplification of the movie, but a close match)
Gah. Where are the pods so I can smash them?
Re: Pod people
Date: 2007-09-12 03:08 pm (UTC)Now the more educated types (people whom actually stuck it out through high school and at least some college if not all), you may be right... it is more of a status symbol thing... the more kids you have, the more money you make because you can provide for them... blah... whatever... But again, that is a taught behavior and has been going on forever.
Re: Pod people
Date: 2007-09-13 12:17 am (UTC)Your point is well taken, but my post wasn't about a wider mass of uneducated people siphoning resources off the state. It was about a specific socio-economic group that I went to high school with. Well off, raised with money, attended a college-prep high school and all the way through college. In several cases, through a UC or a private college. These are not the uneducated masses nor were they raised by uneducated parents. There are no "state checks" involved in this scenario.
Pod Peps...
Date: 2007-09-13 03:11 pm (UTC)And yes, I am agreeing with you that it does seem that it has become a status symbol (having children), as opposed to a life choice. That, as I have said before has been going on for a VERY long time, you can see it throughout history.
I guess my main point is YOU should not be concerned with those opinions what-so-ever. *grin* lovely dicoursing with you again. I have missed it.
no subject
Date: 2007-09-12 01:47 am (UTC)Peel away the layers of negatives and the above statement could be translated thusly: Good-fucking-gods. *headdesk*
no subject
Date: 2007-09-12 03:09 pm (UTC)