10 hrs of sleep later...

[threadwalker]

wow! I feel great!! Need to get rolling in a few. But I've got some more thoughts from the reunion I'm chewing on. I need to jot this down so I can look at it later and turn it over.

The difference between who we said we wanted to be and who we are.

I went to an all-women college prep high school. In 1987, of 140 graduates something like 130+ went to college afterwards. I hear that's a high rate, but I'm not going to exert myself to look up the statistics on it. Our class was toted as being statistically more academically advanced than any other class in decades based on AP testing, national academic awards, etc. Personally, I didn't participate in that stuff because my parents weren't interested. But the teachers sure were impressed.

We were told everyday that we could change the world and be whomever we wanted to be. I believed it. My classmates believed it. We were so fired up. They talked about law degrees, becoming judges, doctors, politicians, teachers, raising kids, becoming pro-athletes, etc.

Saturday night the woman who'd been the student body pres got up on a chair and gave a little speach. "Rock on! Red Barons! Rock on!"

(FYI: Our class mascot was the "Red Baron" and it was the age of rockers with big-hair and spandex. Yeah - someone was feeling nostalgic.)

Then she goes on to say some words of welcome and then the universe tilted. She said something like, "I don't think anyone can beat so-and-so, she has 5 kids."

"Oooohhhh, ahhhhhh," came from the crowd.

Me: Huh? WTF? when did we define ourselves by our interest or ability to produce offspring? I didn't realize the pop-quiz on "success" 20 years later would be "how many kids did you have." I may have actually said that out loud. I know I said something because I got a few "looks" from gals next to me.

Someone else yelled, "No, so-and-so has 8 kids."
(I roll my eyes)
The room cheers.
(I stare in disbelief).

Me: Were they passing out coolaid at the door?

So 20 years later the message is that success is related to having kids. That seems so sad to me. Being a mom is great, but it's only one thing that I do and having more kids is not necessarily a "better" thing. What about the women who don't want kids? Or can't have kids? I was offended on their behalf. I felt like a foreigner and wanted to run home to my girlfriends and get a reality check.

I don't understand what happened between then and now. Or maybe it's me. And that's what I'm percolating on.

Comments

[falzalot.livejournal.com]

Ewww!!

[mad-duchess.livejournal.com]

WTF?? I might expect that of a class from the 60s (though I'd still find it icky), but certainly not from the 80s.

[erzimagdalena.livejournal.com]

Weird. Could it be that SuperMoms are 'in' right now and that is the 'new' cool career? Oy. My Grandmother is probably spinning in her grave.

[fighter-chick.livejournal.com]

Heh. It seems that's an all-too-common occurrence among women. I could give a thousand reasons why I think it happens, and 980 of them would be snide. The other 20 would be serious, but not flattering.

I think that a big part of it is that even to this day, women get so wrapped up in having children that once they pop out the first one, they don't do anything else. But they still have the desire to believe that what they are doing in the world is significant. Therefore, having babies becomes The Most Important Thing In The World(tm).

*sigh* Sad to hear of it, though. Makes me less interested in my 20th reunion when it comes, to be sure.

[callistotoni.livejournal.com]

There was a story on NPR a few weeks ago about that, in upper-class areas of the East Coast at least, having more than 2 children had become a status symbol. The cause, apparently, was that having 3-5 children was a sign that you had enough money to support them and that this high income was coming from only one person. Very strange. It sounds like this is not just an East Coast phenom, but has spread out here as well.

ah-ha!

[thread-walker.livejournal.com]

I think you may have a point here. Quite a few of them became home-makers or stay at home moms (what's the PC term for that these days? *shrug*) when they had their first kid. I know that one of the reasons we stopped at 2 kids was expense.

Food for thought.

[tusya1300.livejournal.com]

I think it is all directly linked to our "consumer" society... produce children to consume product.... imho.

Pod people

[thread-walker.livejournal.com]

actually, the "feel" was more of that 1950's type:
congratulations on getting married and you've achieved something by having kids.

I'm not sure that it's consumerism. It felt very old-fashioned family values kind of thing where dad goes to work and a "good" mom stays home with the kids. Did you see "Mona Lisa Smile"? I felt like Julia Roberts did upon discovering one of the brightest, most ambitious pupils suddenly elopes and proclaims all happiness is based on being married. (yes, an over-simplification of the movie, but a close match)

Gah. Where are the pods so I can smash them?

Re: Pod people

[tusya1300.livejournal.com]

*grin*... I'm still stickin' with consumerism... because WAY too many people out there are just BREEDERS... not PARENTS.... thus consumerism (bigger state checks that way.) No honey, the masses I am talking about are the wider, don't have values of any kind, BREEDERS... my own over simplification.

Now the more educated types (people whom actually stuck it out through high school and at least some college if not all), you may be right... it is more of a status symbol thing... the more kids you have, the more money you make because you can provide for them... blah... whatever... But again, that is a taught behavior and has been going on forever.

Re: Pod people

[thread-walker.livejournal.com]

I appreciate your angst about people that milk the system for benefits. My mom was a public school teacher in San Francisco for 40 years and taught the children of these "breeders" that you refer to.

Your point is well taken, but my post wasn't about a wider mass of uneducated people siphoning resources off the state. It was about a specific socio-economic group that I went to high school with. Well off, raised with money, attended a college-prep high school and all the way through college. In several cases, through a UC or a private college. These are not the uneducated masses nor were they raised by uneducated parents. There are no "state checks" involved in this scenario.

Pod Peps...

[tusya1300.livejournal.com]

Yes I agree your original post is about a specific socio economic group... of which I am a part of. AND believe me, I encountered extremely biased ("screw the poor, they got themselves there") viewpoints from those podlings as well.

And yes, I am agreeing with you that it does seem that it has become a status symbol (having children), as opposed to a life choice. That, as I have said before has been going on for a VERY long time, you can see it throughout history.

I guess my main point is YOU should not be concerned with those opinions what-so-ever. *grin* lovely dicoursing with you again. I have missed it.

[beanolc.livejournal.com]

I have nothing to say that wouldn't offend somebody.

Peel away the layers of negatives and the above statement could be translated thusly: Good-fucking-gods. *headdesk*

[tusya1300.livejournal.com]

Offend away, that's the way I like you... *grin*